March 9, 2022 by Justin Lehmiller
Decades of psychological research on attraction has revealed which traits people tend to desire in a romantic partner. Intelligence, honesty, and sense of humor pretty reliably come in toward the top of the list. This research has given us a pretty good sense of what people say they want—but what about the things they don’t...
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February 28, 2022 by Justin Lehmiller
Same-sex marriage has been legal throughout the United States since 2015. So what percentage of the LGBT population is currently married now that marriage is no longer restricted based on...
Dating & Relationships, LGBTQIA+
February 14, 2022 by Justin Lehmiller
A lot of people seem to believe in the idea of “love at first sight.” For example, in studies of people who are currently in relationships, as many as 1...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
February 7, 2022 by Katie Adams
In the famous movie When Harry Met Sally, there’s a scene where Harry claims that “men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.”...
Dating & Relationships
November 22, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
College hookup culture serves the interests of some, but not others. So who is it helping, and who is it hurting? To explore this question, I interviewed Dr. Lisa Wade...
Dating & Relationships, Psychology
November 3, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
Infidelity is common. Saying exactly how many people have ever cheated is a little dicey, though, because the numbers vary a lot depending on how you ask the question (e.g.,...
Dating & Relationships
October 25, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
How many in-person dates would you want to have with a new partner before having sex with that person? We often hear about the so-called “three-date rule,” or the idea...
Dating & Relationships
October 6, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
Is marriage harder now than it was in the past? Are we expecting too much from our spouses today? I recently interviewed Dr. Eli Finkel for the Sex and Psychology...
Dating & Relationships, Psychology
September 20, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
In long-term relationships, partners’ sex drives are bound to get out of sync from time to time. That’s normal and not a cause for concern unless it becomes a persistent...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Tips
August 25, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
The very first sex study that I ever published appeared in the Journal of Sex Research in 2011, and it explored similarities and differences in how men and women approach friends with...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
August 23, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
When vibrators are mentioned in pop culture, they’re usually discussed as masturbation aides—something people (particularly women) use to pleasure themselves. You don’t typically see people whipping them out during couple’s...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Tips
August 11, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
Why does monogamy work for some people but not for others? Research suggests that it might have something to do with the way our brains are ‘wired.’ Consider a study...
Dating & Relationships, Psychology
August 2, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
When a couple starts kissing intensely in public, it tends to capture your attention—you can’t pull your eyes away. And when you see this, it’s possible to experience a wide...
Dating & Relationships
July 26, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
How do you make a relationship work for the long haul? Research has identified several key factors, many of which have to do with the relationship mindset we hold. I...
Dating & Relationships
June 2, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
After a breakup, some ex-partners avoid each other entirely. However, others continue to be in each other’s lives by remaining friends. So what motivates people to stay friends after a...
Dating & Relationships
May 12, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
One of the questions I’m asked most often by journalists these days is what sex and relationships will look like after the pandemic. As a result, I’ve spent quite a...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
May 5, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
Google trends have shown an uptick in searches related to polyamory in recent years, which suggests growing interest in the idea of consensual non-monogamy (or at least growing curiosity about...
Dating & Relationships
April 12, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
Our perception of time is inconsistent—and a lot of different factors can affect whether time feels like it’s flying by versus standing still. For example, watching water boil on a...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
March 31, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
When I look at studies examining what people say they want in a romantic partner, people tend to report a lot of positive traits. For example, kindness, honesty, and dependability...
Dating & Relationships
March 29, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
Rebound sex is generally defined as sexual activity that someone seeks out in order get over an ex or move on after a breakup [1]. In other words, rebound sex...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
March 24, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
“Once a cheater, always a cheater” is how the saying goes. But is this true? Is history bound to repeat itself when it comes to infidelity?According to the research, people...
Dating & Relationships
March 22, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
What does it mean to be a “hopeless romantic?” You can find countless media articles talking about people’s opinions on this, but from a scientific perspective, what it really refers...
Dating & Relationships
March 15, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
One of the things people find appealing about the idea of online dating is that you can potentially meet a much larger number of people online than you can in...
Dating & Relationships
February 3, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
The way we meet our romantic partners has evolved several times throughout history, with online dating being the latest frontier. However, it’s interesting to note that, despite its increasing popularity,...
Dating & Relationships
January 22, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
Earlier this week, I wrote about a new study that explores what people who are having affairs do, say, and feel. The results of this research tell us that there...
Dating & Relationships
January 18, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
There’s a lot of research out there on infidelity. Most of it has examined topics such as how many people have ever cheated and the main reasons people step out...
Dating & Relationships
January 11, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
I went to graduate school to study the psychology of romantic relationships. Relationships are one of the most significant and consequential things in our lives, with the quality of our...
Dating & Relationships, Psychology
January 6, 2021 by Justin Lehmiller
I’ve written a lot about how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting people’s sex lives and relationships; however, most of the research that has been conducted on this topic so far...
Dating & Relationships
December 7, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Where I live, winter is almost here, and that means “cuffing season” is about to get underway. Just in case you aren’t familiar, cuffing season describes the tendency for people...
Dating & Relationships
November 30, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
A lot of people seem to be under the impression that divorce is on the rise—and that a larger and larger proportion of marriages dissolve each year. This is why...
Dating & Relationships
November 11, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
When a couple decides to end a relationship, the result isn’t always a clean break. There’s often some degree of contact that continues and, sometimes, that includes sex. But who...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
October 19, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Have you ever noticed that some romantic partners have a strikingly similar facial structure? If so, you’re not alone.Research has found that we tend to be attracted to partners with...
Dating & Relationships
September 30, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
In our Kinsey Institute study on how the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic is affecting our intimate lives, we found that rates of sexual activity decreased during lockdown compared to prior year...
Dating & Relationships
September 21, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Some people tend to fall in love fast, easily, and often [1]. This tendency is known as emophilia, formerly known as “emotional promiscuity.”Falling in love fast and often might sound...
Dating & Relationships
September 16, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Popular media reports frequently tout the damage that pornography use does to relationships. Some articles have made pretty bold claims, such as “porn-free relationships are stronger,” “watching porn can diminish...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
September 7, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Public opinion polls reveal that a majority of Americans believe in the concept of a “soulmate.” For instance, according to a YouGov poll of 2,984 adults conducted earlier this year,...
Dating & Relationships
August 31, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
How much “should” you spend on engagement and wedding rings? If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably heard that 2-3 months’ salary is the rule of thumb; however, that’s a...
Dating & Relationships
August 5, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
A lot of research has looked at the traits and characteristics of the people most likely to cheat on their romantic partners. But what about people who get cheated on?...
Dating & Relationships
July 31, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
A question I often get asked is “what are the red flags I should watch out for in a new relationship?” While it can be hard to know early on...
Dating & Relationships
July 22, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
There are lots of ways to end a romantic relationship, but some people choose to “ghost” their former partner. Ghosting is defined as “ending a romantic relationship by cutting off...
Dating & Relationships
June 29, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Infidelity is common. Studies have reliably found that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 married adults report having had sex outside of their relationship at some point. For...
Dating & Relationships
June 24, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
When I first got into sex research, I started studying friends with benefits (FWBs). I had been teaching college courses on human sexuality for a few years at that point...
Dating & Relationships
June 1, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Cheating and infidelity are common. Studies reliably find that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 married couples in the US reported having stepped out on their partner at...
Dating & Relationships
May 27, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
“No Blacks.” “No Asians.” It’s not uncommon to see phrases like these on sex and dating apps, in which people categorically exclude entire racial groups from consideration.Many have referred to...
Dating & Relationships
May 6, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Anecdotally, I’ve heard from a lot of people who have said that they reached out to (or heard from) an ex-partner since the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic began. But just how...
Dating & Relationships
May 1, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
I was recently invited to write a book chapter on nonmonogamy in LGBTQ+ relationships, and one of the things I wanted to do in it was compare the prevalence of...
Dating & Relationships, LGBTQIA+
April 6, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
For decades, researchers have been studying the effectiveness of different kinds of pick-up lines in order to better understand the psychology of attraction. What they’ve found is that certain types...
Dating & Relationships
March 23, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
For women who aren’t using any kind of hormonal contraception, their bodies undergo a series of natural fluctuations in hormone levels across the menstrual cycle. Studies have found that these...
Dating & Relationships
March 20, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Many of us are finding ourselves spending a lot more time at home due to the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic, especially those of us in lockdown areas. For people who live...
Dating & Relationships
January 8, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
Living single as an adult has long been stigmatized, with singles being viewed as “incomplete” due to their lack of a relationship [1]. Not only that, but singles are often...
Dating & Relationships
November 20, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Winter is coming, and that means “cuffing season” is about to get underway. Cuffing season is a term that, to the best of my knowledge, popped up about 10 years...
Dating & Relationships
October 18, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
As a sex educator and researcher, one of the most common questions I get asked (besides “am I normal?”) is how a couple can stay sexually connected and passionate for...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
October 7, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Relationships in which a woman is significantly older than her male partner have always attracted a lot of attention and scrutiny. Case in point: remember what big news it was...
Dating & Relationships
September 30, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
In Jack Morin’s classic book The Erotic Mind, he describes the “erotic equation” as follows: Attraction + Obstacles = ExcitementWhat this equation means is basically that if we’re attracted to...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
September 4, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
When people become friends with benefits (FWBs), what is it that they truly want from that arrangement? Are they just in it for the “benefits” (that is, sex)? Or are...
Dating & Relationships
September 2, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Narcissism is a frequently maligned personality trait that involves being self-centered, entitled, and holding grandiose views of oneself. Sex researchers have long been interested in how narcissism plays out in...
Dating & Relationships, Gender, Sex Ed
August 21, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
When it comes to infidelity, which behaviors count and which ones don’t? It turns out that different people answer this question in very different ways.. That said, there are some...
Dating & Relationships
August 16, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
What does your use of emojis say about your sex and dating life? According to a new study published in the journal PLoS ONE, a lot, actually. In fact, frequent...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
August 5, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Why are we sexually attracted to some people, but not others? Where do our attractions come from in the first place? As a social psychologist who has studied issues of...
Dating & Relationships
July 31, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Keeping a relationship secret is exciting, right? That's what movies and television shows might lead you to believe. Couples who sneak around together are usually depicted as full of passion...
Dating & Relationships
July 24, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Polyamory is a concept that different people define in different ways, but common to most definitions is the capacity to develop more than one emotionally close relationship at the same...
Dating & Relationships
July 19, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Generally speaking, people tend to select romantic partners who hold similar political views. For example, consider a recent study in which researchers looked at party registration patterns of heterosexual married...
Dating & Relationships
June 28, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
People can predict with modest accuracy whether a man (but not a woman) has cheated before based solely on the appearance of his face, according to a recent study published...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
May 27, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
The internet is rife with articles describing people’s frustration with online dating apps like Tinder. It’s interesting when you think about it because these apps were designed to make dating...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
May 8, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Cohabitation, or the act of living together with a partner outside of marriage, used to be a rarity. However, it has become quite common in the modern world. Many now...
Dating & Relationships
April 22, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Finding a compatible partner is one of the cornerstones of a happy and healthy relationship. But how do you determine who you’re compatible with? Intuitively, you might think the answer...
Dating & Relationships
April 17, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
How many people have ever been involved in a consensual non-monogamous (CNM) relationship before? The results of two recent studies involving nationally representative samples (one from the United States and...
Dating & Relationships
April 3, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
What do you do after sex? Some people like to spoon or cuddle, others go to sleep, and yet others get up to grab something to eat or drink. But...
Dating & Relationships
February 13, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
Valentine’s Day is almost upon us and many people have love on the brain. So let’s talk about the science of love! I’ve put together a video compiling five things...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
February 13, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
“Though we often associate love with the heart, the true magic can be seen inside the brain.”This fascinating video by ASAP Science explores the neurobiology behind love. It turns out...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
January 30, 2019 by Justin Lehmiller
When it comes to what men and women want in a romantic partner, they’re stereotyped as wanting drastically different things. However, research suggests that they actually have a lot in...
Dating & Relationships
November 19, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
“Welcome to the wonderful world of ex sex. It’s hot, it’s naughty…oh yeah, and it’s a really stupid idea.” – Cosmopolitan Magazine When a couple decides to end their relationship,...
Dating & Relationships
November 5, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
Infidelity has long been a topic of interest to scientists who study sex and relationships. Over the years, they’ve uncovered a number of fascinating things about how common cheating is,...
Dating & Relationships
October 31, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
What is it that attracts us to other people? Can you fall in love at first sight? Can computer algorithms successfully predict who will make a good match? Read on...
Dating & Relationships
October 22, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
Nationally representative U.S. survey data reveal that approximately 1 in 7 adults today are living in a sexless marriage, meaning they report engaging in little to no sexual activity [1,...
Dating & Relationships
September 7, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
Why should scientists study love? Because, as social psychologist Dr. Art Aron explains in the video below, it's central to our health and happiness. Dr. Aron talks not only about...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
September 3, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
I shared an article on Twitter the other day about the prevalence of infidelity, which prompted a response from my pal Dan Savage about how cheating is associated with the...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
August 15, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
It can be challenging to get over a breakup. Many people find that they can’t stop thinking about their ex and that this has negative implications for their mental health,...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
August 6, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
Food and romance are intimately intertwined in modern dating rituals. Indeed, restaurants are one of the most popular places people visit when they go on a date. Neuroscience research suggests...
Dating & Relationships
April 20, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
People who are into bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism (or BDSM for short) experience a lot of stigma. For one thing, they are often seen as psychologically disturbed,...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
April 16, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
There’s a common assumption that monogamous relationships are superior to consensually non-monogamous relationships in virtually all ways. In fact, studies have found that monogamous relationships are thought to be better...
Dating & Relationships
April 11, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
There’s a lot of research out there looking at how many people have cheated, their reasons for cheating, and what “counts” as cheating; however, surprisingly little work has looked at...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
April 9, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
Are Americans today more or less likely to cheat on their spouses than they were in the past? And how have their attitudes toward infidelity changed—have they become more or...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
April 2, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
It’s easy to find articles in the popular media talking about how porn ruins relationships. Many scientific studies have made this claim, too. However, there’s a problematic assumption embedded in...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
March 9, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
What keeps passion alive in a long-term relationship? According to a recent study of nearly 40,000 adults (all of whom were heterosexual and currently in romantic relationships), there were five...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
March 2, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
A recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research identified eight distinct motivations people can have for cheating (read all about those motives here). Beyond simply demonstrating the factors...
Dating & Relationships
February 28, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
Studies have found that people overwhelmingly rate monogamous relationships as superior to consensually non-monogamous relationships on virtually every dimension you can think of [1]. For example, monogamy is seen as...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
February 23, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
What “counts” as cheating on a romantic partner? It depends who you ask. Research finds that people define infidelity in very different ways. However, there are some things that people...
Dating & Relationships
February 16, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
Research consistently finds that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 married persons in the United States has committed infidelity [1]. Rates of infidelity in dating relationships are even...
Dating & Relationships
February 14, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
With Valentine’s Day upon us, many folks have love on the brain—so let’s talk about the science of love! In the video below, I've compiled five of the most fascinating...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
February 7, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
There's a common tendency to assume that when someone in a relationship cheats, they're doing it because the relationship is broken; however, this isn't necessarily true. People who are perfectly...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
January 17, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
A lot of people claim to have had experiences with the phenomenon of “love at first sight.” But is it really possible to fall in love with someone instantaneously? Believe...
Dating & Relationships
January 8, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
One of the most common stereotypes about straight men’s same-sex friendships is that they’re lacking in emotional depth. Their friendships are seen as revolving around shared activities like watching football...
Dating & Relationships
January 5, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
The busiest time of year for online dating is the nearly two-month stretch that runs from the day after Christmas through Valentine’s Day. It reaches its peak on the Sunday...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
January 4, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
The busiest time of year for online dating is the nearly two-month stretch that runs from the day after Christmas through Valentine’s Day. It reaches its peak on the Sunday...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
January 3, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller
What does it mean to be in a monogamous relationship? It depends who you ask. In the modern world, it has become increasingly difficult to define “monogamy” in any kind...
Dating & Relationships
December 20, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Do people engaged in casual, “no strings attached” sexual relationships engage in similar sexual activities compared to people in committed romantic relationships? There is some research to suggest that the...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
November 29, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships are those in which all of the partners involved agree to have sexual and/or romantic relationships with other persons. This can take many forms, from swinging...
Dating & Relationships
November 10, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Eharmony and other popular online dating sites promise to help users find compatible romantic partners through the use of specialized matching algorithms. These services were founded on the idea that...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
October 23, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Social scientists have long been interested in the factors that predict divorce. Over the years, they’ve identified a number of things that seem to increase the odds of a couple...
Dating & Relationships
October 4, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Study after study has found that men and women have different age preferences when it comes to choosing both sexual and romantic partners. On average, men seem to prefer partners...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
September 25, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Does sexual satisfaction change over the course of a long-term romantic relationship and, is so, how? On the one hand, you might think that satisfaction increases as partners learn how...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
September 18, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Is it a bad idea to get romantically involved with someone you know has committed infidelity in the past? Common sense tells us that "once a cheater, always a cheater."...
Dating & Relationships
September 6, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research reports that when married people start using porn, their odds of getting divorced double. In other words, the results would...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
June 28, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Even though the marriage rate in the United States recently hit an all-time low, most Americans still view the institution positively and consider it to be the ideal relationship state....
Dating & Relationships, Videos
June 19, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
During my teaching stint at Harvard a couple of years back, a few colleagues from out of state came to visit me on a lovely spring afternoon. I gave them...
Dating & Relationships
June 14, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Both before and after the recent election of French president Emmanuel Macron, his wife, Brigitte, found herself to be the target of constant attacks on social media. Why? Because she...
Dating & Relationships
April 24, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
In a consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationship, the partners involved agree that having more than one sexual and/or romantic partner at the same time is permissible. Although interest in CNM relationships...
Dating & Relationships
April 21, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Attempting to steal someone else’s spouse or lover--a phenomenon known scientifically as mate poaching--is a common theme in both TV shows and movies. It happens a lot in real life,...
Dating & Relationships
April 19, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
Americans are increasingly going online in order to find romantic and sexual partners. However, despite the popularity of online dating, most Americans have never tried it. That’s partially because there’s...
Dating & Relationships
March 8, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
People who cheat usually try to keep it a secret; however, they aren't always successful.So, let's imagine for a moment that you find out someone you know has committed infidelity....
Dating & Relationships
March 1, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
In consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships, the partners involved agree that having more than one sexual and/or romantic relationship at the same time is acceptable. There are a great many myths...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
February 24, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
A reader submitted the following question:"I'm in a long-distance relationship and it's tough. Are there any tips or tricks to help keep a relationship alive when you can't physically be...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Q&A
February 22, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
In just two decades, online dating has become a multi-billion dollar industry--and it hasn't come anywhere close to reaching its full potential yet. Believe it or not, despite how much...
Dating & Relationships
February 8, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, a lot of folks have love on the brain—so, let’s talk today about the science of love. Here are four of the most...
Dating & Relationships
November 30, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
A study from the 1980s found that heterosexual men who viewed images of Playboy and Penthouse centerfolds reported less love for their romantic partners than men who saw images of...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
November 24, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Several studies have found that men and women have different age preferences when it comes to selecting romantic and sexual partners, with men preferring partners who are somewhat younger and...
Dating & Relationships, Gender, LGBTQIA+
November 16, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
If you're anything like me, you've probably noticed that a lot of romantic couples look alike. Have you ever wondered why that is? Scientists have found that there may be...
Dating & Relationships
November 9, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Most Americans who are in relationships have a spoken or unspoken agreement to be monogamous. In other words, they've agreed not to have sex with anyone but each other. Let's...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
November 4, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Would your ideal relationship be completely monogamous, completely open, or somewhere in between? One thousand Americans adults were recently asked this question as part of a national YouGov survey and...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
September 7, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
How do you keep a romantic relationship healthy and strong over the long haul? Research suggests that the way we respond to our partners' emotional states may be particularly important....
Dating & Relationships, Videos
August 15, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Given how high the rate of infidelity is, some people have argued that humans are, by nature, not very well suited to monogamy. Others have gone even further and argued...
Dating & Relationships
July 25, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
A lot of reality dating shows share the same premise: one contestant goes on a series of brief dates--each with an attractive stranger--and then decides who he or she would...
Dating & Relationships
July 4, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
There is a massive body of scientific research on cheating and infidelity focused on how common it is, who does it, and why it occurs. A recent review paper on...
Dating & Relationships
June 29, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
When it comes to romantic relationships, monogamy is the rule for most people. However, many folks agree to some form of consensual non-monogamy (CNM) in which they permit each other...
Dating & Relationships
May 30, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships feature an explicit agreement that allows partners to have multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships at the same time. This can take numerous forms, from swinging to...
Dating & Relationships
May 25, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
In order to develop a close, intimate relationship with someone else, you need to be willing to open up to that person—to let your defenses down and become emotionally vulnerable....
Dating & Relationships, Videos
April 23, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Throughout the animal kingdom, scientists have found that early caregiving experiences shape later patterns of sexual attraction.For example, if you ever took an Introductory Psychology course, you probably learned about...
Dating & Relationships
April 11, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Social psychologists have found that people have a tendency to view their romantic partners in overly idealized ways. For example, we may view our partners as being more intelligent, compassionate,...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
April 11, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Having a secret relationship is hot, right? That's what the popular media would have us believe. Couples that sneak around together are usually depicted in the movies and on TV...
Dating & Relationships
April 1, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
A reader submitted the following question:“My partner and I have watched porn together in the past and have recently gotten a hentai video game together. After playing it, we had...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Q&A
February 26, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
When a couple decides to end their relationship, the result isn’t always a clean break. There’s often some degree of contact that persists and, sometimes, that includes sex. But what...
Dating & Relationships
February 25, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
When I was a graduate student studying the psychology of romantic relationships, I remember learning about “the cohabitation effect” in a few of my courses. Relationship scientists coined this term...
Dating & Relationships
February 25, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
When I was in graduate school studying the psychology of romantic relationships, I learned about something called “the cohabitation effect.” This was the term scientists were using to describe the...
Dating & Relationships
February 14, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
The U.S. marriage rate is in decline. In fact, it keeps hitting record lows. Some view this as a very discouraging sign about the state of Americans’ relationships. However, whereas...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
February 7, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Valentine's Day is almost upon us and many are still hunting for the perfect gift for their significant other. Unfortunately, a lot of folks will end up buying an expensive...
Dating & Relationships
February 2, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
For your viewing (and learning) pleasure this Valentine's Day weekend, here's a playlist of five of my favorite videos on the science of love. These videos span quite the range...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
February 2, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
Women’s behavior changes in several ways when they’re ovulating. Among other things, research has found that ovulating women fantasize about sex more often, they're more likely to wear red or...
Dating & Relationships
January 14, 2016 by Justin Lehmiller
If I were to tell you that lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) persons are often excluded from scientific studies of romantic relationships, I doubt you would be surprised. However, the...
Dating & Relationships, LGBTQIA+
December 21, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
If a stranger on the street asks for help, how likely would that person be to receive assistance? If the requestor is a woman in high heels or a man...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
December 17, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
What happens to sexual satisfaction over the course of time in a romantic relationship? Does it increase as partners learn how to pleasure each other? Or does it decrease as...
Dating & Relationships
November 29, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
Several studies have found that infidelity is linked to both poor relationship quality and divorce. But is that because infidelity is harmful to relationships, or is it perhaps because low...
Dating & Relationships
November 3, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
The world's first online dating company, Match.com, hit the scene twenty years ago. Since then, it has accumulated tens of millions of users worldwide and spawned numerous competitors. Online dating...
Dating & Relationships
October 15, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
Most scientific research on attraction and mating preferences has focused on what we desire in a romantic or sexual partner. But what about the things that completely turn us off--the...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
October 2, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
Infidelity has long been a topic of interest to scientists who study sex and relationships. Over the years, they’ve uncovered a number of surprising things about who’s likely to cheat,...
Dating & Relationships
August 19, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
Have you ever seen the reality television show Cheaters, which seeks to expose people who are suspected of committing infidelity one person at a time? A group of internet hackers...
Dating & Relationships
May 7, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
Consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships are those in which all of the partners involved agree that having sexual and/or romantic relationships with other persons is acceptable. CNM relationships can take many...
Dating & Relationships
May 1, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
In this TEDx Talk, Dr. Gary Lewandowski takes a look at the science behind relationship breakups and argues that they often aren't as bad as we think they're going to...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
May 1, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
Imagine you just discovered that someone you know has committed infidelity. Would you keep this information to yourself, or would you share it with others? A new study just published...
Dating & Relationships
February 13, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
Survey research has consistently found that men and women differ in the degree to which they desire certain traits in their romantic partners, with men placing relatively more value on...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
February 6, 2015 by Justin Lehmiller
When people talk about love, they often describe it in terms of “two hearts beating as one.” Although you might be tempted to think of this as nothing other than...
Dating & Relationships
November 25, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
A new set of studies just published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences concludes that when we are on the verge of entering a new decade in...
Dating & Relationships
October 31, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
Imagine that someone you aren’t attracted to approaches you for a date. How would you respond? I bet most of you said that you would decline the offer and move...
Dating & Relationships
October 10, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
Every Friday on the blog, I answer readers’ questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week, I’m answering two related questions that came in on the topic of long-distance relationships:“Can...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Q&A
October 2, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
Stealing someone else’s spouse or lover is a common occurrence on television shows and in the movies. This phenomenon, known scientifically as mate poaching, is not just the stuff of...
Dating & Relationships
August 6, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
Almost everyone has heard the phrase “nice guys finish last” before. But is there any truth to it? According to a new set of studies published in Personality and Social...
Dating & Relationships
July 11, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
Post-sex behaviors are highly variable from one person to the next. Some of us spoon or cuddle, some of us go right to sleep, and some of us get up...
Dating & Relationships
May 22, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
In 1972, a paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology announced scientific support for the so-called “Romeo and Juliet effect." The basic idea was that the more...
Dating & Relationships, Myth vs Fact
February 9, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
A recent New York Times piece by Lori Gottlieb entitled "Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?" made a lot of waves over the weekend. Gottlieb's analysis suggests that...
Dating & Relationships, Myth vs Fact
February 3, 2014 by Justin Lehmiller
It’s a popular storyline in the movies and on TV: one of the characters gets dumped by their romantic partner and decides to cope with this unfortunate reality by having...
Dating & Relationships
December 27, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Navigating a “friends with benefits” (FWB) relationship is complicated. People sometimes start these relationships for different reasons, and they often have very different expectations for how the relationship will develop...
Dating & Relationships
December 11, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
It is an unfortunate reality, but not all marriages last. In fact, research in the United States finds that newlywed couples have only a 50-50 chance of their marriage lasting...
Dating & Relationships
November 22, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Data from nationally representative U.S. surveys suggests that about 1 in 7 adults are living in sexless marriages, or relationships in which the spouses report having little to no sexual...
Dating & Relationships
October 18, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
In this TEDx video, Northwestern University psychology professor Eli Finkel explains how the nature of marriage has changed dramatically over the last few decades. In particular, people today have fewer...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
September 27, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Have you ever wondered why people often use physical terms to describe the emotional pain they experience from breakup and other forms of social rejection? It turns out that the...
Dating & Relationships, Videos
July 17, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Being able to talk about sex with your partner is important. As I have discussed in previous articles, couples who communicate more in the bedroom (or wherever it is that...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
July 16, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
People of all genders and sexualities are increasingly turning to the Internet in order to find sex and love (or both). However, anyone who has ever experimented with online dating...
Dating & Relationships
July 15, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Welcome to the wonderful world of ex sex. It’s hot, it’s naughty…oh yeah, and it’s a really stupid idea. – Cosmopolitan Magazine Most articles I have seen on the topic...
Dating & Relationships
June 17, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Media reports tend to suggest that men and women are polar opposites when it comes to romantic attraction. Many news articles boil the difference down to “men care about looks,...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
June 3, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
“Ain't it funny, ain't it strange the way a man's opinions change when he starts to face that lonely night.” – Lyrics from the song “Don’t the Girls All Get...
Dating & Relationships
May 27, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
There is a big “orgasm gap” between the sexes, such that men are much more likely to reach orgasm than are women in a given heterosexual encounter. However, the size...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
April 1, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Research has found that when heterosexual men are around an attractive woman, they experience a natural increase in testosterone and, sometimes, become more prone to engaging in physically risky behaviors....
Dating & Relationships
March 27, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Research across various animal species suggests that early caregiving experiences shape patterns of sexual attraction later in life. For instance, if you ever took an Introductory Psychology course, you probably...
Dating & Relationships
March 20, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
According to some of the most popular dating advice books, one of the keys to attracting a romantic partner is to take the somewhat counterintuitive step of pretending like you...
Dating & Relationships
March 4, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Cheating is common. For instance, among heterosexual married persons in the United States, research generally indicates that somewhere between one in four and one in five people report having cheated...
Dating & Relationships
February 20, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Popular media depictions suggest that heterosexual women and gay men are natural BFFs. In fact, almost any time you turn on the television, you can see this type of friendship...
Dating & Relationships
February 6, 2013 by Justin Lehmiller
Historically, cohabitation (i.e., the act of an unmarried romantic couple living together) has been rare. In the modern world, however, it has almost become a precursor to marriage. In fact,...
Dating & Relationships
December 6, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
A new study published in The Journal of Sex Research has concluded that the sooner a couple starts having sex, the lower the quality of their relationship. Perhaps not surprisingly,...
Dating & Relationships
December 5, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
“Friends with benefits” (FWBs) are a popular type of sexual relationship these days, with several survey studies of college students finding that about half of them report having had one...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
November 7, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Contrary to the old saying “opposite attract,” you have probably noticed that romantic couples have a tendency to look more alike than they do different. But why is this the...
Dating & Relationships
November 5, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Many people involved in “friends with benefits” (FWB) relationships are hoping that their relationship will eventually turn into a full-fledged romance. For instance, in a recent Internet survey of FWBs,...
Dating & Relationships
November 2, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a reader of the blog who wanted to know why society...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Q&A
October 24, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
“Where is a good place to meet people?” I frequently get asked this question through my website and in the classes I teach. There isn’t a simple answer because there...
Dating & Relationships
July 2, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
A recurring theme in many television shows and movies is that secret relationships are hot. Couples that sneak around together seem to find it pretty exciting—they can’t stop thinking about...
Dating & Relationships
June 4, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
When you see someone attractive that you desperately want to meet, how do you break the ice? Many of us opt for a simple “hi” or “hello,” others offer a...
Dating & Relationships, Myth vs Fact
May 16, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
You don’t have to be a relationship expert to know that intimacy is one of the cornerstones of a successful long-term partnership. Couple members who make a sincere attempt to...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
May 9, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Most of us have attended weddings before where the couple getting married explicitly promised to love each other “till death do us part.” And if you’re anything like me, you...
Dating & Relationships
April 30, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
A few years back, a journal article entitled Teaching May Be Hazardous to Your Marriage was published.1 This article reported a study showing that men who teach at the high...
Dating & Relationships
April 23, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Many people are involved in romantic relationships that are not accepted by their family, friends, or society at large. Sometimes it is because the partners are of the same sex,...
Dating & Relationships
April 16, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
There is a classic study in psychology which reported that heterosexual men who viewed Playboy centerfolds were less in love with their wives than men who viewed artistic paintings [1]....
Dating & Relationships
April 11, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Makes me feel so fine, helps me relieve my mind, sexual healing baby, it’s good for me. – Marvin GayeThe idea that sex can relieve stress for couples is pervasive...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
April 2, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
A group of psychologists recently published a paper in which they critically examined the science behind online dating in order to answer two questions: How is online dating different from...
Dating & Relationships
March 21, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
“Friends with Benefits” (FWBs) are usually thought of as relationships in which two good friends decide to become sexually involved. This is how they are most often depicted in the...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
February 27, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
When people talk about love, they often talk about “two hearts beating as one.” I tend to roll my eyes when I hear clichés like this because, in my training...
Dating & Relationships
February 22, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Most societies throughout the world promote monogamy as the ideal relationship state. As a result, a large majority of people have come to believe that any form of sexual activity...
Dating & Relationships
February 20, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Ever since the Internet arrived in our homes, people have been using it as a tool for making love connections. In fact, research indicates that about one in five heterosexual...
Dating & Relationships, Myth vs Fact
January 30, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
Psychologists have known for some time that people’s mood states and behaviors can change with the seasons. For instance, some people experience what is known as Seasonal Affective Disorder, a...
Dating & Relationships, Sex Ed
January 27, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
There is a large amount of research showing that commitment to a romantic partner depends upon how many investments have been put into that relationship [1]. Investments is very broad...
Dating & Relationships, LGBTQIA+
January 5, 2012 by Justin Lehmiller
“Friends with Benefits” (FWB) relationships seem to be all the rage these days. Several recent studies of college students have reliably found that over one half of the students surveyed...
Dating & Relationships, Gender
