Parentification and Its Lasting Impact on Romantic Relationships

Our early life experiences can have a lasting impact on how we navigate adult relationships. For example, we’ve previously discussed how attachment styles, which are formed in childhood, can influence our sexual and romantic experiences in adulthood. Beyond attachment dynamics, other early experiences can potentially affect long-term relationship satisfaction and success. One such experience is parentification. When someone starts to take on a parentified role very early in life, this can lead them to start taking on parentified roles in their later romantic relationships and marriages.

What is Parentification? 

Parentification occurs when children take on the role of a parent in their relationship with a caregiver, assuming responsibilities or tasks that are developmentally inappropriate. For example, children may help their siblings with homework, help their parents navigate difficult emotions, or even worry about the family’s budgeting or cleanliness of their home from a young age. Despite these children taking on tasks that would be assumed to be the role of the caregiver, these efforts often go unnoticed and unappreciated. Children in parentified roles may learn to suppress their own emotions, become overly independent, and believe that they can only truly rely on themselves.

Impact of Parentification on Romantic Relationships

In a recent study, Tolmacz and colleagues (2025) examined how childhood experiences of parentification impacted adult women’s romantic relationships. The researchers examined women’s self-reported parentification by asking about their childhood experiences, such as whether they felt like their feelings were acknowledged by their caregivers, if they were taking on a large emotional caregiving role, and whether they were responsible for domestic tasks that would typically be their caregiver’s responsibility.

The researchers found that women who experienced parentification as children were more likely to feel that their psychological needs were unmet in their romantic relationships and reported lower overall relationship satisfaction. They explained that parentified individuals may be less likely to authentically express their needs to their partners, as their needs were often deprioritized in early relationships with caregivers. As the authors wrote, they may be “unable to engage in this kind of authentic self-disclosure because they have grown up with a sense that their own needs are illegitimate” (p. 317).

Couples may be able to overcome some of these challenges through authentic communication and challenging their existing relationship beliefs.

Parenting Your Partner 

In a recent podcast episode, we spoke with sex therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri about how when one partner falls into the role of “parent” and the other in the role of “child,” it can also be harmful for their sex life.

Dr. Balestrieri explained that when you take on more than your fair share, you may feel tired, burnt out, or even resentful of your partner, all of which can drastically decrease one’s desire for sex.

Dr. Balestrieri suggests having an explicit conversation about workload with your partner. However, if that doesn’t lead to meaningful change (and you find yourself in the “parent” role), you may need to consider what tasks you’re willing to stop doing to see where you’re partner can start to take initiative (e.g., only doing your own laundry). While this may create discomfort, the disruption can highlight what needs attention in the relationship and potentially motivate your partner to engage in change.

Check out the podcast episode here to learn more!

Takeaways

Parentification can have a lasting impact on how individuals experience and navigate romantic relationships. By taking on adult roles too early, children may learn to neglect their own needs, suppress their emotions, and struggle with authentic communication later in life. These patterns can also occur in romantic relationships where one partner overcompensates for the other, making the relationship inequitable. Recognizing and addressing these challenges is a crucial step toward building more equitable and emotionally healthy partnerships, whether that means healing from childhood experiences or navigating current relationship dynamics.

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