The “Perfect Partner”: Men’s Experiences With Sex Dolls

Sex dolls have rapidly evolved over the past couple of decades, with technology enabling more lifelike and realistic designs. Although it remains unclear how many people actually own a sex doll (to our knowledge, no one has asked about this on representative sex surveys), it appears that ownership is steadily increasing and becoming more mainstream. For example, some sources reported an exponential surge in sex doll sales during the COVID-19 quarantine. The rise in sex doll ownership has raised curiosity among researchers and the public alike about people’s motivations for purchasing sex dolls and their effects on the population, for better or for worse.

Many people hold stereotypes about what sex doll ownership means. For example, some folks assume that owners are exclusively men and sexually deviants. Likewise, researchers have often examined this issue from the lens that ownership of sex dolls is likely to lead to negative consequences, such objectification of women or increased sexual aggression. However, much of this work appears to be morally driven (Lievesley et al., 2023), with much less being known about the actual experiences of the owners themselves.

A recent study by Lievesley and co-authors (2023) aimed the fill this gap in the research by interviewing men who own sex dolls to determine their motivations for owning a doll and their experiences with having one. In this post, we will provide a brief overview of their main findings.

In this study, the researchers interviewed nine men who owned a sex doll using an Interpretative Phenomenological Approach (IPA), which enabled them to gain deeper insights into the participants’ lived experiences of sex doll ownership. Through their analysis, they identified two overarching themes: ‘the perfect partner’ and ‘sex doll vs. love doll.’

The Perfect Partner

The first main theme identified by the researchers was that many men viewed sex dolls as more suitable or ‘perfect’ partners when compared to potential real life relationships with other humans. This perception was often due to negative aspects of human relationships, such as complaining, judgment, or abandonment, or because of their own perceived shortcomings, including a lack of social skills, introversion, or low self-esteem.

The men in the study explained that dolls provided a constant source of support and companionship—secure, reliable, and positive—without the expectations or demands that come with human relationships. As one participant shared, “I can have a partner where I know I will always be with someone, but then I can also be alone if I want to” (p. 1429).

Sex Doll Versus Love Doll

The second overarching theme revealed that participants typically viewed their relationship with sex doll as more than just sexual. Many described their dolls as companions, partners, or even wives, often attributing human-like qualities to them, such as having a “warm personality.” While participants did acknowledge the sexual aspect of their relationship, they also highlighted the unique freedom that dolls provided—freedom that wouldn’t be possible with human partners.

Specifically, they noted the ability to explore fantasies that might not be feasible (or desired) in a human partnership. Participants felt like they could get the sex immediately with the dolls and engage in behaviors that they may feel are taboo or not appropriate with human partners. Additionally, while consent was recognized as important in relationships with humans, participants felt that consent negotiation wasn’t necessary with their dolls.

Men in this study also acknowledged the stigma surrounding sex doll ownership. They felt that others would treat them negatively if their lifestyle was known, leading many to keep their relationships with their dolls private. Participants expressed concern that people might perceive their ownership as a form of sexual deviance or assume they were incapable of forming relationships with human women. Along with this stigma, there was a sense of being misunderstood. The owners in this study emphasized that their experiences with dolls were not purely sexual; rather, they often viewed their relationships as much deeper and more meaningful than simply using a sex toy.

Conclusions and Takeaways

Although this study involved a small sample of men, it offers a unique contribution to the research by shedding light on men’s motivations and perspectives regarding their relationships with sex dolls. Participants often viewed the dolls as superior relational partners, describing their connections as much deeper than purely sexual, challenging common assumptions about the reasons behind their ownership.

Despite the widely held stigma, it appears that sex dolls may serve a purpose beyond being purely a sexual tool, offering some men a safe and predictable partner as well as an outlet for sexual fantasies and desires that might be considered taboo.

To learn more about how sex dolls are influencing people’s sex lives check out our podcast episodes: Sex Dolls, Sex Robots, and Chatbots and Boy Toys–Women Who Buy Male Sex Dolls.

References:

Lievesley, R., Reynolds, R., & Harper, C. A. (2023). The ‘perfect’ partner: Understanding the lived experiences of men who own sex dolls. Sexuality & Culture, 27(4), 1419–1441. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-023-10071-5

If you have a sex question of your own, record a voicemail at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology to have it answered on the blog or the podcast. 

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), Bluesky, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Title graphic made with Canva