Tell Me What You Want

Best Seller

The largest survey of sexual fantasies in America – and what your fantasies say about you

What do Americans really want when it comes to sex? And is it possible for us to get what we want? Tell Me What You Want offers an unprecedented look into our fantasy worlds and what they reveal about us. It helps us to better understand our own sexual desires and how to attain them within our relationships, but also to appreciate why the desires of our partners may be so incredibly different.

If we only better understood the incredible diversity of human sexual desire and why this diversity exists in the first place, we would experience less distress, anxiety, and shame about our own sexual fantasies and better understand why our partners often have sexual proclivities that are so different from our own.

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"It's about time! A must read book for anyone who has ever wondered about our fantasy worlds and what they reveal about us. Lehmiller expands our sexual vocabulary, elucidates an extraordinary study, and brings science to the forefront to help us understand our sexual fantasies and the benefits of getting in touch with our deepest sexual fantasies."

Terri Orbuch, PhD

Terri Orbuch, PhD

Distinguished Professor of Sociology at Oakland University and Author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great

"Tell Me What You Want provides a scientifically grounded, non-judgmental assessment of where things stand in the sexual lives and fantasies of Americans. With an open-minded approach and fluid prose, this book is highly recommended for anyone looking for a road-map of where American sexuality is at the moment, and where many Americans would like to be going soon."

Christopher Ryan, PhD

Christopher Ryan, PhD

Co-author of the New York Times bestseller Sex at Dawn

"Lehmiller's groundbreaking book points to an alarming divide between the conversations we're having about sex and the conversation we should be having about sex. It provides the nudge we need to change the conversation - and, in doing so, to live healthier, hotter lives."

Eli J. Finkel, PhD

Eli J. Finkel, PhD

Professor of Psychology, Northwestern University, author of The All-Or-Nothing Marriage

"Have a deep, dark sex fantasy that you've never shared with anyone? Turns out, you're not alone. Most people are afraid their sex fantasies are abnormal, but Justin Lehmiller's newest book reveals that understanding your erotic imaginings, and sharing them with your sex partner might be the best, healthiest thing you do all year. Tell Me What You Want educates, titillates, thrills and guides us down a marvelous, sexy path that ends in acceptance of those naughty secrets in the basements of our minds."

David J. Ley, PhD

David J. Ley, PhD

Author of The Myth of Sex Addiction

"A penetrating, erotic X-ray into the hidden recesses of our sexual psyches. Illuminating and incisive, Lehmiller lays bare the gray matter of great sex."

Ian Kerner, PhD

Ian Kerner, PhD

New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First

"Most Americans have sexual fantasies about threesomes, group sex, bondage, domination, submission, forced sex, open relationships and sex toys. Yet most of us don't know this, and are too embarrassed to reveal what we really want to our partners. Lehmiller's smart, warm, sex-positive book breaks the toxic silence around our sexual fantasies. Reading it may be the best thing you ever do for your sex life, your relationships and your self-acceptance."

Geoffrey Miller, PhD

Geoffrey Miller, PhD

Author of The Mating Mind, Spent, and Mate

"Justin Lehmiller knows what you’re into. Not since Nancy Friday has anyone so comprehensively and confidently blown the lid off our deep and secret desires, and revealed the extent to which we humans are endlessly inventive, flexible sexual and social strategists."

Wednesday Martin, PhD

Wednesday Martin, PhD

New York Times bestselling author of Primates of Park Avenue

Featured in

The Psychology of Human Sexuality

Sexuality Textbook

The Psychology of Human Sexuality

The thoroughly revised and updated second edition of The Psychology of Human Sexuality explores the roles that biology, psychology, and the social and cultural context play in shaping human sexual behavior. Dr. Justin Lehmiller puts the spotlight on the most recent research and theory on human sexuality, with an emphasis on psychology.

The text presents the major theoretical perspectives on human sexuality, and details the vast diversity of sexual attitudes and behaviors that exist in the modern world. It also reviews the history of sexology and explores its unique methods and ethical considerations. Overall, this important, comprehensive, and sex-positive text provides readers with a better understanding of, and appreciation for, the science of sex and the amazing complexity of human sexuality.

Written for students of human sexuality and anyone interested in the topic, The Psychology of Human Sexuality offers a guide to the psychology of human sexual behavior that is at once inclusive, thorough, and authoritative in its approach.

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"The Psychology of Human Sexuality is a comprehensive, progressive, and in-depth research-based examination of human sexuality, covering both depth and breadth of contemporary issues in human sexuality. It would be an ideal text for a course for psychology students looking to gain a broad understanding of the field of human sexuality."

Kristen P. Mark, PhD

Kristen P. Mark, PhD

Director of Sexual Health Promotion Lab, University of Kentucky, USA

"Lehmiller has written an impressive, up-to-date coverage of human sexuality. Well-researched and beautifully written, it surveys the vast and tangled realm of human sexual behavior with gentle respect and insight. Everyone will learn something new from this book and come away impressed with a new appreciation of this vital domain of human social life."

Roy Baumeister, PhD

Roy Baumeister, PhD

Author of The Cultural Animal: Human Nature, Meaning, and Social Life

Instructor Materials

Tools for the classroom

If you’re an instructor who has adopted The Psychology of Human Sexuality for a course, please fill out the form below for access to instructor materials, including chapter-by-chapter PowerPoint slides, a test bank, and instructor’s manual.

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    A Social Psychology Research Experience

    Research Methods Textbook

    A Social Psychology Research Experience

    A Social Psychology Research Experience is a workbook that offers students a hands-on introduction to how social psychologists develop and test their research questions. Used in conjunction with a comprehensive instructor’s manual, this workbook includes skill building and interactive group activities that lead students through hypothesis generation, experimental design, the institutional review process, data analysis, writing, and dissemination of their research findings. Students also learn about and gain experience using diverse data collection methodologies, such as priming procedures, psychophysiological measures, surveys, and behavioral observation.

    Developed by two experimental social psychologists–Drs. Jennifer Harman and Justin Lehmiller–with decades of combined experience teaching and supervising undergraduate student research, this is a truly unique workbook; it covers the entire research experience in detail, while other comparable books tend to only focus on specific parts of the process, such as experimental design or data analysis.

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    “This book is the ONLY book of its kind. I haven’t found a single other book that covers research methods specifically for social psychology. Thank you for producing it!”

    Dylan Selterman, PhD

    Dylan Selterman, PhD

    Lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland

    Highly Recommended

    Justin's Bookcase

    Everyone needs a good sex book (or a hundred) on their shelf, right? Allow me to help you fill up your bookcase with my personally curated list of reading recommendations on the science of sex and relationships.

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    Justin's Bookcase Content

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