Many sex therapists have argued that women's sexual desire is relational, meaning that as long as a woman is in a good relationship and she's connected with her partner, interest in sex should naturally follow. But that doesn't match up with reality. A lot of women with low sexual desire say that their relationships are otherwise perfect. Why is that? It turns out that the things that make for a very satisfying relationship are sometimes at odds with the things that turn us on. So is it even possible to "have it all" in a relationship? Let's talk about it!

My guest today is Dr. Marta Meana, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.  She is also an Associate Editor at the Journal of Sex Research and the author of numerous academic publications on women's sexual desire. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• Diversity in how sexual desire is experienced.
• Why long-term monogamy is hard on sexual desire for everyone, but especially for women.
• How problems with low sexual desire are generally treated.
• Why "wanting to be wanted" is at the core of women's sexual desire.
• Whether it's possible to maintain both intense intimacy and intense passion at the same time.
• Why women are more likely than men to see themselves as the object of desire in their fantasies.
• How having more erotic self-focus can benefit women's (and their partners') sex lives.
• The psychology behind women's forced sex fantasies.

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

When it comes to sex, you deserve to get what you want and to be in control of your body, your pleasure, and your sexual health. However, in order to do that, you have to be sexually empowered. You have to know what it is that you want in the first place, and be able to communicate about that. This is something that a lot of us really struggle with, so let’s talk about sexual empowerment. Today's show is all about building up your sexual self-confidence, learning how to ask for what you want, and being able to say no when there's something you don't want.

Dr. Tara is back to give us tips on sexual empowerment. She is an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton, a sex and relationship coach, and host of the podcast Luvbites. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• What it means to be sexually empowered.
• Where to start when it comes to building up sexual self-confidence.
• How to stop judging your own fantasies and desires.
• How to tell your partner what you want.
• How to say no to things you don't want.
• The role of contraception and abortion rights in sexual empowerment.
• The difference between sexual empowerment and attention-seeking behavior.

Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Tara and listen to her Luvbites show, visit luvbites.co

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

The terms “sex” and “intercourse” are often used interchangeably, but the truth is that sex doesn’t have to include intercourse at all! In fact, outercourse often makes for even more satisfying sex. "Outercourse" is the general term for any sexual activities that aren’t focused on vaginal or anal penetration. By practicing more outercourse, we stand to benefit in a lot of ways, from discovering new sources of pleasure to adding more novelty in the bedroom to closing the orgasm gap. Today’s episode is a guide to outercourse, and how you can use it to level-up your sex life.

I am joined once again by Dr. Amy Pearlman, a board-certified urologist and sexuality educator. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• The importance of expanding our definition of sex and elevating outercourse.
• Where to start if you're new to outercourse.
• How sex toys and vibrators can take outercourse to a whole new level (as part of this, I talk about the vibrator that changed my sex life!).
• How to talk to your partner about trying something new in the bedroom.
• Tips for maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex life.

Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Pearlman, visit pearlmanmds.com and follow @amypearlmanmd on Instagram.

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

The state of sex education is poor for American adolescents—but you probably already knew that. However, what you may not realize is that the state of sex ed for adults entering fields like medicine, psychology, and nursing isn’t all that great, either. There’s no universal standard for how sexuality should be taught in most healthcare training programs, nor is there even a requirement that it be taught at all! The sex ed deficit in medical education is hurting all of us, so let's talk about how to make it better. Dr. Rachel Needle is back to talk about advanced sex ed. She is a a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• Why we can't look at physical, mental, and sexual health as completely separate things.
• How making sexual health a core component of primary healthcare stands to benefit public health.
• How much training doctors and other healthcare professionals are actually getting in sexual health.
• How current healthcare providers can increase their sexual knowledge.
• What a "sexual attitude reassessment" is and how it can help providers to check their own biases.
• How healthcare providers can start productive conversations about sex in the office.
• How patients can find knowledgable and affirming providers and talk to their doctors about sex.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

When it comes to both sexual identity and gender identity, it’s not uncommon for people to say “I was born this way.” However, while both same-sex attraction and gender non-conformity are indeed linked to various biomarkers, the way people come to adopt specific identities is far more than just a simple function of their biological makeup. Identities are socially and culturally constructed. As a result, sexual and gender identities vary considerably across time and culture. It's important for us to recognize that our way of thinking about sexuality and gender isn’t the only way, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re going to explore sexuality and gender in cross-cultural perspective. My guest is Dr. Paul Vasey, a Professor and Research Chair in the Department of Psychology at the University of Lethbridge, who conducts cross-species and cross-cultural research on sexuality and gender. Some of the topics we explore include:

• The third gender category of fa'afafine in Samoa. What does this term mean, and how does it relate to the Western concept of transgender?
• Does gender dysphoria exist in cultures where more than two genders are recognized and accepted?
• Same-sex attraction exists in Samoa (as it does everywhere), but almost no one there identifies as gay. How is same-sex sexuality expressed in Samoa instead?
• Outside of the West, do sexual and gender minorities band together? In other words, does an organized LGBTQ+ community exist everywhere in the world?
• Cultures like Samoa where third genders exist are seen by some in the West as gender utopias. But should we be romanticizing the way that Samoa and other cultures approach gender diversity?
• The broader role that social and cultural environments play in shaping our own personal understanding of our gender and sexuality.

Check it out! Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Kane Power (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Our dating lives are a mess. Nationally representative US surveys conducted prior to the COVID-19 pandemic found that about two-thirds of single Americans said their dating lives weren't going well. Today, a majority of them say that the pandemic has only made things worse. So why is modern dating so hard? And how can we make things better? That's what today's episode is all about. My guest is Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• Why the rapid transition to online dating has made dating more challenging.
• How to get "dating clarity" and figure out what it is that you're really looking for.
• Tips for creating a successful online dating profile.
• Low-stress conversations starters for both online and offline connections.
• How to deal with dating rejection.
• General tips for better dating outcomes.

Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Tara and listen to her Luvbites show, visit luvbites.co

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.

If you have a penis, then you probably already know that it doesn't always do what you want it to do. Sometimes you'll get an erection when you don't want one--and sometimes you won't be able to get an erection when you do want one. Relax. That's normal. But when does it start to cross the line into a sexual difficulty in need of treatment? And what are the best ways to manage erectile difficulties? That's what today's show is all about.

Let's get kinky! Today's episode is a compilation of some of my favorite clips about the psychology of kink, BDSM, and fetishes. We're going to revisit my interviews with Dr. Richard Sprott (Episode 44), Dr. Jim Pfaus (Episode 56), filmmaker and former professional dominatrix Stavroula Toska (Episode 72), and sex therapist Shamyra Howard (Episode 8). Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• What does the term kink really mean anyway? And what's the difference between kink, fetish, and BDSM?
• Where do kinky interests come from in the first place?
• Is kink always about sex? What are some other reasons people are drawn to kink?
• What are the most common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with kinky folks?
• How do you navigate consent and kink to ensure everyone's boundaries are respected?

Check it out! Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com)  for sponsoring this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

We keep a lot of things about our lives secret--but especially sexual things. People may hide their sexual thoughts, behaviors, and even feelings. And, sometimes, these secrets interfere with our pursuit of sexual and relationship happiness. So why do we hide so much about our sex lives in the first place? And if you want to let your partner in on a sexual secret, what do you need to know? Today's episode is a deep dive into sexual and relationship secrets. Michael Slepian returns to the show to help us lift the curtain. Michael is an Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University and author of the book The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are. He previously appeared on Episode 117 to talk about the broader psychology of secrets, so be sure to check that out if you haven't already. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• Why our secrets focus disproportionately on sex.
• The most common things we hide about our sex lives.
• How technology is making it harder to keep sex secrets.
• Whether we should confess infidelity.
• The effects of keeping a romantic relationship secret.
• How to share intimate secrets with a partner.

Check it out! To learn more about Michael, check out his website at michaelslepian.com, take the secrets survey at keepingsecrets.org, and check out The Secret Life of Secrets. Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Think about a secret you're keeping right now. Odds are, it shouldn't take long for something to come to mind. We all keep secrets. In fact, the average person is keeping roughly 13 secrets at any given point in time! So what exactly are we hiding, and why are we hiding so much? Today's episode offers a deep dive into the psychology of secrets. We'll explore why secrecy is such a pervasive part of our lives, the psychological effects of secrecy, how to deal with the burdens of secrecy, and much more. My guest today is Michael Slepian, an Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University. His latest book is titled The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• The difference between secrecy and privacy.
• The difference between secrecy and lying.
• The most common things people keep secret (hint: sex and relationships are pretty high on the list!).
• How your personality affects the number of secrets you keep--and how good you are at keeping them.
• The potential positive and negative effects of secrecy on our mental health.
• How keeping other people's secrets is different from keeping your own secrets.
• What to do when secrecy becomes really burdensome.

Check it out! To learn more about Michael, check out his website at michaelslepian.com, take the secrets survey at keepingsecrets.org, and check out The Secret Life of Secrets.

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com)  for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

All too often, political debates about abortion are full of myths and misconceptions. For this reason, a better understanding of abortion is crucial. So that's what today's episode is all about. We're going to discuss common things that people get wrong about abortion, why abortion bans don't work as intended, and why comprehensive sex education and improved access to contraceptives are the keys to reducing abortion rates. I am joined by Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of the Whole Health Psychological Center, the Advanced Mental Health Training Institute, and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• The most common reasons women seek abortion.
• The difference between emergency contraception and abortion.
• The stage of pregnancy at which most abortions occur.
• The effects of pregnancy and abortion on women's health.
• The psychological impact of abortion.
• How abortion bans, comprehensive sex education, and contraceptive access affect abortion rates.
• The future of sex and relationships in a post-Roe v Wade world.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

Have you ever noticed yourself feeling hornier than usual when you travel? If so, you're not alone. Being away from home seems to put a lot of people in the mood for sex. So why is that? The answer is actually surprisingly complex. A whole host of factors change when we go on vacation or take a trip and--together--they have the potential to create far more opportunities for sexual desire and arousal to set in than we typically experience at home. So let's talk about travel horniness! In this episode, I discuss the biological, psychological, and social factors that underlie this phenomenon, including:

• How many people fantasize about sex and travel, such as having sex on the beach, in an airplane, or in a hotel room.
• How engaging in novel, non-sexual activities on vacation can amplify sexual arousal.
• How our mindset changes when we escape our home environment.
• How substance use changes when we're on vacation.
• How the people we travel with influences our sexual behavior.
• Why exposure to more sunlight on vacation can make us hornier.

In addition to exploring the psychology behind travel horniness, I discuss my recent visit to the Icelandic penis museum, which is a fascinating place. If you thought human penises were diverse in size and shape, you haven't seen anything yet!

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and The Handy (thehandy.com)  for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.

One of the keys to having truly great sex is approaching it with the right mindset. However, this isn’t something that we’re usually taught in sex education, which tends to focus more on the physiology of sex rather than the psychology behind it. So that’s what today’s episode is all about. It’s a compilation (or "cumpilation") of some of my favorite tips discussed on the show for changing your sexual mindset. Specifically, we're going to revisit my interviews with Joan Price (Episode 86), Dr. Jessica O'Reilly (Episode 67), Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus (Episode 83) and Dr. Emily Jamea (Episode 93). Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• The importance of expanding your idea of what sex is.
• Why it’s important to make sex a multi-sensory experience.
• How to feel more comfortable and confident in your own skin.
• How be in the moment during sex.
• Why we should stop looking at sex as a goal-oriented activity—and instead, just relax and have fun.

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

We’re often our own worst enemies when it comes to having the sex we really want. Shame, secrecy, self-doubt, fear of failure—all of these things have a way of interfering with our ability to pursue pleasure. In order to have great sex, we need to change our entire sexual mindset. So that's what this episode is all about: how to feel hot, but unbothered. I am joined by Yana Tallon-Hicks, a relationship therapist and sexuality educator. She is author of the new book, Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• How to cope with "sexual imposter syndrome."
• How to overcome fear of sexual failure.
• How to build up your sexual self-confidence.
• How to learn what it is that you really want from sex.
• How to "hear no like a pro" (i.e., what to do when you and your partner aren't on the same page about sex).
• What to do when your sex drive gets out of synch with that of your partner.

Check it out! To learn more about Yana, visit yanatallonhicks.com and follow @the_vspot on Instagram. Also, be sure to check out her new book, Hot and Unbothered.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

There are a ton of sources for sex advice out there, which is great. But too many of them suffer from the same problem: they take a one-size-fits-all approach when, in reality, different things are going to work for different people. We each have a unique sexual self, which means that if you don't have a certain level of self-understanding, it can be difficult to know which advice to take--and which advice to leave. So that's what we're going to be talking about today: how to uncover your core erotic themes and increase sexual self-understanding. My guest is sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell, author of the new book, Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido and Rediscovering Desire. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Why generic sex advice often doesn't work.
• How to pinpoint your own motivations for having sex.
• How your sexual fantasies can help you to uncover your core erotic themes.
• How to share sexual fantasies with a partner.
• Why it's important to step outside of our sexual comfort zone sometimes.
• How to deal with mismatched libido in a relationship.

To learn more about Cyndi, visit her website at cyndidarnell.com, follow her on the socials @cyndi_darnell and be sure to get a copy of her new book Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

According to some sources, a majority of all marriages in the world are arranged. Despite how common this practice is, little research has been conducted on the subject—and there are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there regarding what arranged marriages actually look like and how they work (including the idea that arranged marriage necessarily equates to "forced marriage"). So that's what we're going to be talking about today. I am joined by Dr. Sharon Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University - Sacramento. Some of the topics we explore include:

• How does the purpose of marriage differ across cultures?
• What does an arranged marriage actually look like?
• Who arranges an arranged marriage? Do the spouses have a say?
• Are people happier on average in couple-initiated vs. arranged marriages?
• What do people tend to get wrong about arranged marriages and how they work?

Check it out! To learn more about Sharon, you can visit her lab website or follow her on Twitter @smflicker1

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

If your romantic partner were to become sexually or romantically interested in someone else, how would you feel? Jealousy is often presumed to be the default response, especially in monogamous relationships. However, in consensually non-monogamous relationships, people often experience happiness, pleasure, or other positive feelings--a phenomenon known as compersion. So how are jealousy and compersion linked? Can you experience both at the same time? Can you learn to experience compersion if it's something you've never felt before? That's what we're going to be talking about today. I am joined by Dr. Sharon Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University - Sacramento and has recently co-authored a series of papers on the subject of compersion. Some of the topics we explore include:

• What does it really mean to experience compersion?
• What are the kinds of things that make it easier to feel compersion? What makes it harder?
• Is compersion a trait that you either have or don't have, or is it something you can teach yourself to feel?
• Are compersion and jealousy mutually exclusive, or can you experience both simultaneously?
• In polyamory, how do the relationships you have with your partner's partners influence compersion?
• Is the experience of compersion necessary for successful polyamory?

To learn more about Sharon, you can visit her lab website or follow her on Twitter @smflicker1

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

A masochist is someone who derives pleasure from the experience of pain. While we often think of masochism as being a purely sexual thing, it’s actually a pervasive part of everyday life. From the long-distance marathon runner to the person who covers their entire body in tattoos to the person who douses all of their food in hot sauce, there are countless examples of people intentionally inflicting pain on themselves—and getting some pleasure out of it at the same time. So why is that? We’re going to do a deep dive into the psychology of masochism today. I am joined today by Leigh Cowart, a researcher and journalist whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, New York Magazine, Popular Science, and more. Leigh’s latest book is titled Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Why do so many of us choose to suffer? Are we all masochists to some degree?
• Why do humans experience pain anyway? What is the adaptive value of it?
• Why is pain sometimes sexually arousing? How can pain enhance sex?
• Why do some people seek out more intense pain than others?
• Where does all of the shame and stigma around masochism (particularly sexual masochism) come from?
• When can pain-seeking behavior be healthy, and when can it become a problem?

To learn more about Leigh, follow her on the socials @voraciousbrain and be sure to get a copy of her book Hurts So Good

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

Survey studies find that about 1 in 5 people say they’re been in some type of sexually open relationship before. Despite how common consensual non-monogamy is, research, data, and information on it is pretty limited. And, oftentimes, it’s not addressed at all in psychology training programs. So, for today's episode, we're going to explore what you need to know about sexually open relationships. I am joined by Dr. Michelle Vaughan, an Associate Professor in the School of Professional Psychology at Wright State University. She is the co-editor of the soon to be released Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What attitudes toward consensual non-monogamy look like today and how they're changing.
• The key strengths of those who practice consensual non-monogamy.
• How to identify and lean into your own strengths in order to improve your relationship(s).
• Tips and advice for navigating sexually open relationships.
• How to know if consensual non-monogamy is right for you.
• Common issues that arise in sexually open relationships (e.g., jealousy) and how to deal with them.
• How to find an affirming therapist if you're in an open relationship.

To learn more about Michelle and her work, visit her Google Scholar page, follow her on Twitter @MichelleDVPhd, and check out the Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy (or order on rowman.com and use discount code RLFANDF25 to save 25%).

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Everyone has an "attachment style," which refers to the way that you tend to interact and connect with others in intimate relationships. Psychologists have found that attachment styles are reliable predictors of so many different things in our sex and love lives, from the content of our sexual fantasies to how we respond in conflict situations to our reasons for pursuing sex. A better understanding of your own (and your partner's) attachment style can potentially help you to cultivate a more fulfilling intimate life. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. Dr. Nicole McNichols is back to give us the guide to attachment theory. Nicole is an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington and she has a popular Ted Talk titled "Students On Top: A Vision for 21st Century Sex Education.” Some of the topics we explore include:

• What are the main attachment styles that exist?
• Where does your attachment style come from, and can it change over time?
• How does culture influence attachment style?
• How can you identify your own attachment style?
• How can you identify the attachment style of someone you're dating?
• What should you do if you and your partner have discrepant attachment styles?

To learn more about Nicole, visit nicolethesexprofessor.com and follow her on Instagram @nicole_thesexprofessor

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech's Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

Men who have sex with men often identify themselves in terms of sexual positions, such as top, bottom, or versatile to reference the role they prefer to take during anal sex. But what if none of those terms describe you? Today's episode is all about the growing number of gay and bisexual men who identify as "sides," or people who aren’t into penetrative anal sex. I am joined by Dr Joe Kort, the clinical director and founder of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. He is a board-certified clinical sexologist and author of four books. Joe was the first person to coin the term "side" and his efforts to raise awareness of it recently led the sex and dating app Grindr to start offering it as an option for identifying oneself. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How do gay and bisexual men define "sex?" And what are their most common sexual behaviors?
• Why is there so much pressure to identify yourself as a sexual position in the gay community?
• Why are some men into anal sex while others are not?
• What does it mean to identify as a "side?" And how many gay and bisexual men are sides?
• How can people be more respectful of others who have different sexual activity preferences without shaming them for wanting something different?
• What are the positive and negative aspects of identifying yourself as a sexual position?

To learn more about Joe, visit joekort.com and follow him on the socials @drjoekort

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

College students tend to be stereotyped as a pretty horny bunch who are hooking up every chance they get. But are today's college students really having more sex than ever? That’s what we’re going to be exploring in this show. Are they as sexually active as popular media depictions suggest? How is the sex that they’re having changing? And what do college students today need to know about navigating and cultivating healthy sexual and romantic relationships? I am joined by Dr. Nicole McNichols, an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington. Nicole is the co-author of the textbook Human Sexuality In A Diverse Society and she has a popular Ted Talk titled "Students On Top: A Vision for 21st Century Sex Education.” Some of the topics we explore include:

• What are students' sex education experiences like before they get to college?
• How many college students today are sexually active? Are they having sex earlier or later than previous generations?
• How is the sex they're having different? Why is choking during sex on the rise?
• How are college students being influenced by porn and the #MeToo movement?
• Why do college students seem to find dating and relationships to be so challenging?

To learn more about Nicole, visit nicolethesexprofessor.com and follow her on Instagram @nicole_thesexprofessor

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Lisa’s first nonfiction book, Three Women, was an instant #1 New York Times bestseller and is currently in production as a series at Showtime with Shailene Woodley set to star. This book takes a deep dive into the sex lives and relationships of three American women who live in different parts of the country.

Why are we attracted to some people, but not to others? The answer to this question is surprisingly complex, but research has uncovered a set of scientifically-backed principles that can pretty reliably facilitate sexual and romantic attraction. This episode will help you to better understand those "laws" of attraction, including how you can leverage them to enhance your own appeal to others. Sexuality educator Ashley Weller returns for this show. Ashley is a professor at Chapman University who runs a podcast called What's your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore include:

• Is attraction something that is usually instantaneous, or does it tend to grow over time?
• We often hear that "birds of a feather flock together." But we also hear that "opposites attract." So which one is true? Are we attracted to similarity or differences?
• What's the best way to start a conversation with someone you're attracted to? Do pick-up lines actually work?
• Can playing hard to get make you appear more desirable?
• How similar or different are men and women when it comes to what they want in a partner?
• If you find yourself attracted to the "wrong" type of person, how do you break that pattern?

To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What's your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

In the classic film When Harry Met Sally, Meg Ryan famously said, “Most women at one time or another have faked it.” And she was right. But it turns out that women aren't the only ones who do this. Fake orgasms are surprisingly common across genders. So why do so many people feign the peak of pleasure? And is pretending to climax a good thing or a bad thing? That's why we're going to be talking about today. I am joined by Ashley Weller, a professor at Chapman University in Southern California who teaches human sexuality courses. Ashley has more than 15 years of experience in sex education and runs a podcast called What's your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How many people have ever faked an orgasm before?
• Why do people fake orgasms, and do men's and women's reasons for doing it differ?
• What do people actually do when they pretend to climax?
• Is it always a bad idea to fake orgasms?
• What should you do if you're been faking it but don't want to do that anymore?
• What should you do if you suspect your partner of faking orgasms?

To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What's your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Human beings spend about one-third of their lives asleep. We do this because sleep is an essential body function. When we don't get enough sleep, we suffer in a lot of ways--and that includes our sex lives. That's why today's episode is all about the important connection between sex and sleep. As you'll learn, getting better sleep is one of the keys to having better sex. But it's also the case that having a great sex life can help you get better sleep. The connection between sleep and sex goes both ways! I am joined by Dr. Michele Lastella, a senior lecturer at Central Queensland University and a global leader in sleep research in athletes. He has 70 peer-reviewed publications related to sleep, sport psychology, psychological well-being and more. Some of the topics we address in this episode include:

• Why do we often feel tired or sleepy after sex?
• How does sex impact the quality of the sleep we get? Does masturbation affect sleep in the same way?
• Does the impact of sex on sleep depend on whether or not orgasm occurs?
• Does sex affect sleep in the same way for men and women?
• How do both temporary and chronic sleep disruptions (such as sleep apnea and insomnia) affect our sexual health and well-being?
• Why do penile and clitoral erections occur during sleep?
• What are some practical tips for getting better sleep so that you can have better sex?

Check it out! To learn more about Michele, check out his Google Scholar profile and follow him on Twitter @sleeppsyc

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

It is hard to believe, but we have reached episode 100 of this podcast! So how do you celebrate 100 episodes of a sex show? I've put together a compilation featuring some of the most fascinating and mind-blowing facts about sex we've covered so far. Specifically, we're going to revisit my interviews with Hallie Lieberman (Episode 21), Dr. Ina Park (Episode 39), Dr. Lisa Dawn Hamilton (Episode 53) and Dr. Nicole Prause (Episode 60). Some of the things we cover in this episode include:

• Why butt plugs used to be marketed as a cure for asthma (no joke!).
• Whether sexually transmitted infections can hijack our brains and change our sexual behavior in order to make them more infectious.
• How a study of a cow’s clitoris became the basis for what we think we know about the human clitoris.
• Why some people get sick every time they orgasm.

Thank you for supporting the show! If you listen on Apple Podcasts, please consider a paid subscription to Sex and Psychology Premium to help keep the show going and to receive new episodes ad-free. Cheers to the next 100 episodes!

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

When you go out on a date with someone, who should pay for it? When two people of the same sex or gender go out, they’ll often split the bill—but when it’s a man and a woman, more often than not, the man pays. So there's still a lot of chivalry present in dating between men and women, despite the fact that we have increasingly moved away from traditional gender roles and norms in many ways. So what's up with that? How do men and women really feel about this issue? And how can be better navigate financial issues and dating? For today's episode, Dr. David Frederick returns. David was a previous guest on Episode 97 (Keeping Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships). He is an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California, and has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. In this show, we explore some of David's research on money and dating in the context of men and women going out together. Some of the questions we get into include:

• When men and women go out on a date, who usually pays? And how do things change the longer they date each other?
• How often do women offer to pay when they go out with a man? How do they feel if their date refuses the offer?
• How do men feel about women paying for dates?
• Do people feel that paying for dates and sexual activity are linked in any way?
• Where does this expectation that men should pay on the first date come from? Is it cultural? Evolutionary?
• Is there a better way to navigate this fraught issue?

To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research.

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

The impact of religion on our sex lives is complex—it is neither uniformly negative nor positive. The way that religion affects sexuality really depends upon how sexuality is situated within a given religion. But when religiosity and sexuality conflict, how do you navigate this? That's what we're going to be talking about today. How do sex therapists balance religious and sexual identity in the therapeutic process when conflicts arise? Is it possible to resolve this in a way that doesn't require sacrificing one or the other? Dr. Eric Sprankle returns for this episode (he was a previous guest on Episode 96: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation). Eric is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How often do people seek sex therapy for issues relating to religiosity, and what kinds of issues are they usually experiencing?
• How do you balance religious identity and sexual identity (or desire) in the process of sex therapy?
• How can we make sex education something that is more inclusive of religious diversity?
• In what ways can religiosity have a positive impact on sexuality?
• If you're struggling with issues of religiosity and sexuality, how can you find a therapist who is affirming of both?

Check it out! To learn more about Eric, visit his website at drsprankle.com and follow him on Twitter or Instagram @DrSprankle

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

When you're feeling that intense passion in the early stages of a relationship, having great sex is usually pretty easy. However, those feelings don't tend to stick around very long. It's normal for passion to begin fading after a year or two. But it doesn't have to disappear entirely. It's very much possible to get the spark back--and keep it going--with a little bit of effort. So let's talk about how to do it! For today's episode, I am joined by Dr. David Frederick, an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California. Dr. Frederick has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. Some of the questions we explore include:

• What typically happens to sexual frequency and satisfaction over time in long-term relationships?
• Why is trying new sexual activities crucial to boosting passion? And what kinds of novel activities have the biggest impact?
• How many new things do you need to try sexually in order to experience a boost in passion?
• Are the factors that predict sexual satisfaction the same for lesbians and heterosexual women? What about for gay versus heterosexual men?
• What can lesbians teach heterosexual women about closing the "orgasm gap?"
• Besides trying new sexual activities, what are some other tried and true ways of reinvigorating passion in a long-term relationship?

To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research.

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Masturbation is something that most people do, but many of us have a complicated relationship with it. For example, some people are under the impression that masturbation is an unhealthy or even "addictive" activity. Given that we're in the midst of Masturbation Month, now seems like the perfect time to set the record straight on solo sex and tell you what you really need to know about it. My guest today is Dr. Eric Sprankle, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, and author of the forthcoming book, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How long have human beings been masturbating?
• What makes masturbation in humans unique compared to other species that do it?
• Where did this idea that masturbation is unhealthy come from?
• What kinds of masturbation "cures" were used in the past to discourage this behavior? (This is some weird and wacky stuff!)
• Is there any truth to the idea that masturbatory abstinence can improve your health or boost testosterone?
• Is masturbation really an "addictive" behavior?
• Can women really become "addicted" to their vibrators?
• How can we develop a healthier relationship with solo sex?

Check it out! To learn more about Eric, visit his website at drsprankle.com and follow him on Twitter or Instagram @DrSprankle

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Have you ever fantasized about being ‘forced’ to have sex? If so, you’re not alone. Fantasies about being taken against one’s will (also known as 'ravishment fantasies' and 'consensual non-consent fantasies') are actually quite common. But just how many people report having had them? And why? That's what we're going to be exploring in today's episode. I'll be sharing five examples of forced sex fantasies that have emerged in my research to illustrate what these fantasies tend to look like, and also to explore the psychology behind them.  To help me put this show together, Rose Caraway returns to narrate the actual fantasies. Rose is a writer, editor, and publisher who runs the Kiss Me Quick's Erotica Podcast. She also served as the narrator for Dr. David Ley’s amazing book, Insatiable Wives, which was the subject of Episode 70 of this program. The fantasies we dive into in this show come from my book Tell Me What You Want, and they include:

• Ravished By My Lover
• Kidnapped and Forced to Have Sex
• Animalistic Sex With an Alpha Male
• Banged By the Bachelorettes
• Taken By a Warrior Princess

I walk you through the main themes behind each of these fantasies and the common threads that unite them, while also considering similarities and differences in how these fantasy scenarios play out for men and women. I also discuss who is most likely to have fantasies of this nature and why. This is a fascinating episode. Be sure to check it out!

Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for being sponsors of this episode!

The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.

The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

As someone who studies the science of sexual fantasies, every time I think I've heard it all, I discover something new. Human beings are endlessly inventive and flexible when it comes to their sexuality, which means that our fantasies are sometimes truly fantastical and may reflect things that wouldn't even be physically possible in reality. While these fantasies may strike many people as "strange" or "weird," however, a deeper analysis of them reveals that they aren't so unusual after all. They're actually just creative variations on the things that turn most of us on. In this episode, we're going to explore four uncommon sexual fantasies I've encountered over the course of my research and consider the psychology behind them. To help me put this show together, I invited Rose Caraway to narrate the actual fantasies that my participants provided. Rose is a writer, editor, and publisher who runs the Kiss Me Quick's Erotica Podcast. She also served as the narrator for Dr. David Ley’s fantastic book, Insatiable Wives, which was the subject of Episode 70 of this program. The fantasies we dive into in this show come from my book Tell Me What You Want, and they include:

• The Human Cow (or HuCow)
• The Human Doll
• Getting Eaten Alive (Vorarephilia)
• Taken By Tentacles

I walk you through the main themes behind each of these fantasies and the common threads that run through all of them. I also discuss who tends to have more of these fantastical fantasies and why. This is a truly fascinating episode you're not going to want to miss. Check it out! The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When it comes to sex, we could all benefit from a few pointers because great sex is usually something we have to figure out on our own. On previous episodes of the show, we've talked about things like expanding your definition of sex, learning how to communicate what you want, and building up your sexual self-confidence. We're going to take it a step further today and talk about some of the finer details. We’re going to explore how you can get even more pleasure from several specific sexual activities, from masturbation to oral sex to intercourse to kink. I am joined once again by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host of the Love and Libido podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How mixing up your masturbation routine can unlock new sources of pleasure and enhance partnered sex.
• How to have better oral sex.
• How to make penile-vaginal intercourse more pleasurable and increase the odds of mutual orgasm.
• How to have comfortable and pleasurable anal sex.
• How to make role-play fun and enjoyable instead of stressful and awkward.
• What you need to know about sharing and acting on sexual fantasies.
• Why it's important to step out of your comfort zone from time to time.

Check it out! To learn more about Emily, visit her website at emilyjamea.com As a special deal for listeners, Emily is offering 50% off her online sex ed workshops (available on her website) with the coupon code: HALFOFF

One of the keys to great sex is being in the right headspace and allowing yourself to be totally immersed in the experience. If you’re not fully into it, it’s easy for your mind to start wandering and to get distracted. Divided attention can make it hard to stay aroused and to reach orgasm. So how can you get in the right mental space for great sex? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re going to be discussing a mental state called flow and share practical tips for getting into this state of mind so that you can have the best sex of your life. I am joined by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host of the Love and Libido podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What does it mean to be in a state of "flow?"
• How is flow similar to or different from practicing mindfulness?
• How can being in a flow state enhance sexual satisfaction?
• What is the role of flow in kinky sex?
• Do some people naturally have an easier time getting into flow states than others?
• How can you open yourself up to experiencing flow during sex?
• How can flow boost sexual desire and help people to deal with sexual difficulties?

Check it out! To learn more about Emily, visit her website at emilyjamea.com As a special deal for listeners, Emily is offering 50% off her online sex ed workshops (available on her website) with the coupon code: HALFOFF

Relationships are hard for everyone, but they can be especially hard when you're living with a mental health issue such as depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Psychological struggles can heighten the anxiety around sex, dating, and intimacy in ways that can make relationships feel inherently unsatisfying, even hopeless. But there is hope! Today, we're going to explore how mental health issues can pose unique relationship challenges, but also consider practical tips and tools for overcoming them. I am joined by Allison Raskin, a mental health advocate and New York Times bestselling author. Her latest book is titled: Over-Thinking About You: Navigating Romantic Relationships When You Have Anxiety, OCD, and/or Depression. Some of the topics that we explore include:

• How do you even bring up the subject of mental health with someone you're dating or in a relationship with?
• How can you tell whether something you're worried about is a valid relationship concern vs. a symptom of your disorder?
• How do you take care of both your mental health and your relationship at the same time when some mental health treatments carry sexual side effects?
• How can you learn to be "in the moment" during sex and block out distracting thoughts?
• How can you make online dating less anxiety-inducing?
• How can you handle breakup in healthier ways?
• How can you be a supportive partner to someone who has mental health struggles?

To learn more about Allison, visit allisonraskin.com. Also, be sure to check out her latest book Over-Thinking About You and follow her on Instagram @emotionalsupportlady

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Until very recently, the sight of a penis in film or on television was a rarity. And when it happened, it was a big deal. The promise of even a fleeting glimpse would overshadow everything else. For example, remember when Gone Girl came out? It seemed like all anyone could talk about was Ben Affleck's member. Today, however, penises seem to be popping up everywhere, and Hollywood keeps upping the ante. Case in point: there's a scene in Euphoria featuring nearly 30 dongs. So what's up with that? What's behind the rise of male full-frontal nudity on screen? That's what we're going to be talking about today. We're also going to discuss why most of the penises you see are actually prosthetics, and you're going to learn how the sausage gets made. Literally. I am joined by Matthew Mungle, an Academy Award winning artist specializing in Make-up Effects and Prosthetics. With over 250 film and television projects to his credit, Matthew is regarded as one of Hollywood’s top masters of makeup effects illusion. Odds are, you've seen his work--and maybe even some of the penises he's created. Some of the topics we explore include:

• Why male full-frontal nudity is a growing trend.
• The first time Matthew was ever approached to make a penile prosthetic.
• Why most of the penises we see on screen are prosthetics.
• How producers decide what a prosthetic penis will look like for a given actor/character.
• How prosthetic penises are made (it's both an art and a science!).
• Whether prosthetic penises are contributing to unrealistic perceptions of penis size.
• Average penis size and whether size really matters anyway.

Check it out! To learn more about Matthew's work, visit his website at wmcreationsinc.com and check out his IMDB page to learn about the many amazing film and TV projects he has contributed to.

Sexual difficulties are common, and they can be highly distressing. They don't have to mean the end of your sex life, though. Fortunately, most difficulties can be resolved and you can get back to having satisfying sex. However, people often don't know where to begin when it comes to dealing with sexual difficulties, from telling a partner about it to finding a solution. So, let's talk about it! I am joined today by Dr. Natalie Rosen, an Associate Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Neuroscience and Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Natalie is a sex and relationship therapist who has published over 125 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters on sexual dysfunction. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How to start healthy and productive conversations about sexual difficulties with a partner.
• How to manage low sexual desire.
• How to deal effectively with sexual pain.
• How to reset your beliefs around sex in a way that can improve sexual function.
• How to prevent porn from becoming a problem in your relationship.
• How to better manage emotions in a relationship so that they don't interfere with sexual satisfaction or contribute to sexual difficulties.

Check out Natalie's previous appearance on the show in Episode 88, where we discuss how to navigate sex during pregnancy and parenthood. To learn more about Natalie or participate in one of her upcoming studies, visit natalieorosen.com. The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Check out their show, "Intimate Forms," featuring the work of Emilio Sanchez at the Cook Center on Indiana University's campus. Or catch the show "Psychopathia Sexualis," featuring the work of Austin Osman Spare at Iceberg Projects in Chicago.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

During pregnancy and parenthood, it’s not uncommon for sex to decrease and/or become less pleasurable. When this happens, it can potentially spill over and create broader relationship and intimacy issues. So how can you maintain satisfying sex lives and relationships during the transition to parenthood? Let's talk about it! This episode is all about common sexual questions and concerns that arise during pregnancy and parenthood and how you can keep the spark alive once kids enter the picture. I am joined by Dr. Natalie Rosen, an Associate Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Neuroscience and Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Natalie is a sex and relationship therapist who has published over 125 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters on sexual dysfunction. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Is it usually safe to have sex during pregnancy?
• What do you need to know when it comes to maintaining sexual satisfaction during pregnancy?
• When can you start having sex again after giving birth? And what do you need to know about sexual health and function in the postpartum period?
• How can new parents navigate discrepancies in sexual desire?
• How are men and women similar vs. different in terms of the sexual concerns they have during parenthood?
• How do you make space (and time) for sex once you have kids?
• When is it time to consult a sex or relationship therapist, and how do you find a competent professional?

To learn more about Natalie or participate in one of her upcoming studies, visit natalieorosen.com. And for more resources and information on navigating sex and parenthood, visit postbabyhankypanky.com  Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more. Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name - LEHMILLER - as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

Relationships can be a source of tremendous joy. But they can also be a source of tremendous pain, especially when they come to an end that we just weren’t ready for. When a valued relationship suddenly ends and that parter disappears from your everyday life--whether through death, divorce, or breakup--the resulting grief can make it difficult to move on, especially in terms of your intimate life. When is the right time to start dating or having sex again? What if you haven't been on the dating scene for years and it has fundamentally changed? Also, what if you're dating someone who is grieving a relationship loss? Let's talk about it. I am joined by Joan Price, a self-described advocate for ageless sexuality. Joan is the author of four books, including Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Joan was the guest on my previous episode, where we covered Tips For Better Sex at Any Age. It's well worth a listen if you haven't checked it out already! Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• Why there isn't one "right" way to grieve and how everyone's post-grief intimacy journey is different.
• How to know when it's the right time to re-engage with your sexuality.
• How to get back on the dating scene if you haven't been on it for a long time.
• What to do when you find your "pilot light lover," or the next person who re-sparks your arousal.
• Why self-discovery and self-exploration are essential in the healing process.
• Things you should and shouldn't do when dating someone who is grieving a relationship loss.

To learn more about Joan, visit joanprice.com and be sure to check out all of her amazing books, including Sex After Grief.

When people think about what their sex lives will look like as they get older, they usually don’t see much to look forward to. They tend to think about problems that might arise and how sex may become more challenging. However, this line of thinking is all wrong. Sex can actually get better with age. In fact, many seniors report that they're having the best sex of their lives! And many of the tools and strategies that they're using can be helpful at any age for reigniting passion, improving sexual communication, and having more pleasurable sex than ever before. So today we're going to be exploring tips for better sex no matter where you are in your life. My guest is Joan Price, a self-described advocate for ageless sexuality. Joan is the author of four books about senior sex, including the award-winning  Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. She is a popular public speaker and sex educator who has been expanding our minds about sex and aging since 2005. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How (and why) sex can get better with age.
• How to start healthy conversations about sex, whether you're in a new or long-term relationship.
• How to talk about sex with your doctor or healthcare provider.
• How redefining sex can open the door to more pleasure.
• What to do when the old ways of approaching sex just aren't working for you anymore.
• Why sex toys are an essential component of satisfying sex, especially as we get older.
• How you can set yourself up for having great sex for your entire life.

Check it out! To learn more about Joan, visit joanprice.com and be sure to check out all of her amazing books, including Naked at Our Age. Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name - LEHMILLER - as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

For decades, social scientists warned that living together before marriage increased the odds of later divorce. However, this runs contrary to conventional wisdom. In fact, most American adults today think that cohabiting first should actually strengthen marriages by serving as a compatibility test. So what's the deal? Is living together before marriage a good or bad idea? Let's explore what the science really says and discuss practical tips and considerations for partners looking to move in together. I am joined by Dr. Arielle Kuperberg, an Associate Professor of Sociology and Women's, Gender and Sexuality Studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Arielle has studied cohabitation and its effects extensively and is here to help us settle the popular debate. Some of the topics we explore include:

• How many people today live together before marriage, and how this trend has changed over time.
• Why cohabitation and divorce are linked, and how the association between them has changed.
• Why the age at which you get married is a key factor in predicting divorce.
• How people who cohabit before marriage differ from those who move directly into marriage.
• How to know when it's the right time to move in together.
• How to set yourself up for cohabiting success.

Check it out! To learn more about Arielle, follow her on Twitter @ATKuperberg and visit her website here.

People’s sexual identities and behaviors don’t always line up in the way that you might expect. For example, a lot of people who identify as heterosexual or straight report having had partners of the same sex or gender. And there are a lot of different reasons for this! My guest today has identified at least six different types of people who identify as heterosexual, but engage in same-sex behavior. So, we're going to break it down for you. I am joined by Dr. Arielle Kuperberg, an Associate Professor of Sociology and Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Arielle recently published a study about heterosexually-identified college students who reported same-sex hookups and we explore her key findings. Among the topics we discuss are:

• Why sexual identity and sexual behavior don't always match up.
• Which heterosexual people who engage in same-sex behavior are likely to change their sexual identity labels in the future.
• The roles of college culture and alcohol in sexual self-exploration.
• Why some heterosexual people engage in same-sex behavior for attention or performance.
• The influence of religion and politics on sexual identity.
• Why we need to measure more than sexual identity if we really want to understand someone's sexuality.

Check it out! To learn more about Arielle, follow her on Twitter @ATKuperberg and visit her website here. Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name - LEHMILLER - as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

Many of us feel sexually insecure in some way. For example, you might be concerned about your body shape or size, the appearance of your genitals, and/or your sexual skills or performance. We are often our own harshest critics, and this can be incredibly detrimental to our sex lives. Insecurity can make it difficult to relax during sex, to experience pleasure, and even to experience desire for sex. So how can you overcome sexual insecurity and build up sexual self-confidence? That's what we're going to be talking about today. I am joined by Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, a sociologist, relationship and communication coach, and author of the book From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. Some of the topics we explore include:

• How you can learn to love your body.
• How to feel more confident in your genital appearance.
• How to let go of negative self-talk during sex and be in the moment.
• Why focusing on orgasm as the goal of sex can reduce pleasure for everyone.
• How to feel more confident in your sexual turn-ons and share them with a partner.
• How to communicate your sexual boundaries.
• What to do when you're partnered with someone who is sexually insecure.

Check it out! Also, be sure to get a copy of Jennifer's book, From Madness to Mindfulness, and visit her website at drjennsden.com

Human beings have been practicing birth control for thousands of years. Today, there are dozens of different contraceptives available, many of which are highly effective and increasingly convenient to access. However, there's still room for improvement, and the future of birth control promises to be fascinating. It's becoming increasingly high-tech, and an equivalent of the birth control pill for men appears to be on the horizon. So let's talk about it! My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, a board-certified OB-GYN and author of the book, Let's Talk About Down There: An OBGYN Answers All Your Burning Questions Without Making You Feel Embarrassed for Asking. Jennifer also runs a popular sex ed channel on TikTok (@drjenniferlincoln) with more than two million followers. In this episode, we discuss the future of birth control, common contraception myths, and how to choose the method that's right for you. Specifically, we explore:

• How are the birth control options available to women likely to change in the future, both in terms of methods and accessibility?
• Why hasn't there been a lot of research to date in the area of male birth control?
• What does the future of birth control for men look like? What are the most promising methods in development?
• Will future birth control methods also offer protection against STIs?
• How reliable is the pull-out or withdrawal method in preventing pregnancy?
• Are condoms really 98% effective at pregnancy prevention?
• Do you have to take birth control pills at the same time every day in order for them to work?
• Do you need to take occasional breaks from hormonal birth control to let your body "reset?"
• With all of the options available, how do you choose the contraceptive that's right for you?

Check it out! And in case you missed the first part of my conversation with Jennifer, check out Episode 81, where we explore myths and facts about vaginal health.

There is a huge industry built around making women feel insecure about their genitals in order to sell them so-called "feminine hygiene products." They've convinced many women that their vaginas and vulvas are "dirty" and in need of constant cleaning. But is it even healthy to use these products? And what do you really need to know when it comes to maintaining vaginal health? I spoke with a gynecologist to find out--and to bust some common myths about vaginas and vulvas. My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, a board-certified OB-GYN and author of the book, Let's Talk About Down There: An OBGYN Answers All Your Burning Questions Without Making You Feel Embarrassed for Asking. Jennifer also runs a popular sex ed channel on TikTok (@drjenniferlincoln) with more than two million followers. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Where does this idea that vaginas and vulvas are "dirty" come from anyway?
• What should and shouldn't be part of a vaginal and vulvar self-care routine?
• What should you do if you're concerned about the smell or taste of your genitals?
• What's the safest way to remove pubic hair to avoid risk of injury and infection?
• Can a doctor actually tell if a woman has had sex by inspecting her genitals?
• Do vaginas really become "looser" with frequent sex?
• Is it really true that if you have an STI, you'll know it?
• How do you boost low sexual desire?

Check it out! And be sure to check out Jennifer's book Let's Talk About Down There and follow her on TikTok. The Kinsey Institute's (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

We're going back to the brothel in today's episode! This is the second part of a two-part series of interviews I conducted in a sex club in Amsterdam during a recent study abroad course I taught for sex therapists. We invited several folks who work in the sex industry to come speak with us in small groups, and it was absolutely fascinating! In this episode, you'll be hearing from a Dutch sex educator (Anna Jansen) who teaches teachers how to talk about sex, as well as a social worker (Renée Brouwer) who works with victims of human trafficking in the sex work industry. Some of the topics we'll explore include:

• The distinction between sex work and sex trafficking.
• Why so much sex work in the Netherlands occurs underground outside of the legal system.
• How sex trafficking can still occur even with a legalized, government-regulated system.
• Legal changes that could make sex work safer.
• What sex education looks like in the Netherlands.
• How to make sex education work for everyone.
• Why attitudes toward sex in the Netherlands aren't as liberal people on the outside think.

If you haven't listened to the first part of this series, check out Episode 79 for interviews with two Dutch sex workers.

I taught a study abroad course on sex and culture in Amsterdam a few months ago for a group of sex therapists and, as part of that class, we visited a brothel. To be clear, we didn't go for sex--we went for sex education! We invited several people who work in the sex industry in some way to come speak with us in small groups. In this episode and the next, I'm going to be sharing some of the fascinating things we learned. In today's episode, you'll be hearing two interviews I did with Dutch sex workers. First is Jennifer Jonker, who worked in the brothel we visited for several years. Jennifer now runs a coaching business focused on helping women who want to transition out of the sex work industry to find other forms of employment. Second is Tikka Stardust, a current social worker and sex worker who primarily works with clients who have physical and/or psychological disabilities. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How does sex work actually work in the Netherlands? What does it look like in terms of cost and services provided?
• How is working in a brothel different from working in the "quick service" area of Amsterdam's Red Light District?
• What are the positive and negative sides of sex work in a country where it is legal?
• To what degree is sex work about sex versus intimacy?
• What are attitudes toward sex work like in the Netherlands? Is it really as open and accepting as people on the outside think it is?
• For women who want to exit the sex work industry, what does that process look like? And how do you deal with the stigma associated with sex work?
• Do government subsidies for sex work really exist in the Netherlands for persons with disabilities?

Stay tuned for our return visit to the brothel next week! In the next show, I'll be speaking with a Dutch sex educator who teaches teachers how to talk about sex, as well as a social worker who works with victims of human trafficking in the sex work industry.

Sexting has become so common that it’s not a stretch to call it the new "first base" in developing sexual relationships. For many people, sexting is now an integral part of how they connect with others sexually in the modern world, and it occurs in both casual and committed relationships. However, while sexting can be a handy way to boost arousal, communicate interest, and share your fantasies, it can also occur in ways that are coercive or harassing. In this episode, we talk about the good, bad, and ugly of sexting. My guest is Dr. Michelle Drouin, a professor of Psychology at Purdue University—Fort Wayne and a Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. She has published an extensive body of research on the psychology sexting and is author of the book Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. Some of the topics we explore include:

• What counts as sexting and how many people have done it before.
• What people's experiences with sexting are usually like.
• The link between sexting and relationship satisfaction.
• How to practice "safe sexting."
• Why so many men send unsolicited dick pics.
• When sexting becomes a form of coercion or harassment.
• Deception in online dating.
• How to spot scam artists like the Tinder Swindler.

To learn more about Dr. Drouin, visit drmichelledrouin.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Out of Touch. Also, check out Episode 77 for part one of my conversation with Dr. Drouin, where we discuss tips for online dating and creating love that lasts.

Modern technology has made us more connected than ever, but at the same time, many of us feel increasingly disconnected. We just aren’t getting the intimacy we’re craving. We’re starving for a type of intimacy that technology isn’t well-suited to provide. So how can we better meet our need for connection in a digital world? To answer this question, I spoke with Dr. Michelle Drouin, a behavioral scientist and expert on technology, relationships, and sexuality. She is a professor of Psychology at Purdue University—Fort Wayne and a Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. Her latest book is Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. Some of the topics we explore include:

• How technology is contributing to an “intimacy famine.”
• Tips for navigating online dating, including what to do if you aren’t getting any matches and also what to do if you feel overwhelmed by too many options.
• Whether having more sex can make us happier.
• Why bedtime routines are crucial to relationship satisfaction.
• How to cultivate love that lasts.

To learn more about Dr. Drouin, visit drmichelledrouin.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Out of Touch.

Relationships and marriages aren't just hard--they're harder than ever because the expectations around them have changed so much. What worked in the past isn't working anymore, so it's time for a new approach. We need to figure out what works for us as individuals and create custom relationship agreements that reflect our wants and needs. But what goes into creating an ideal relationship agreement? That's what we're going to be discussing today. My guest is Dr. Tammy Nelson, a certified sex and relationship therapist. She is host of The Trouble with Sex podcast and the author of several books, including Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• Why maintaining long-term monogamy today is more challenging than ever.
• How to know if an open relationship is right for you.
• When it's a good idea to open up, and when it isn't.
• Why empathy is key to having healthy relationship communication.
• How to navigate difficult conversations with a partner, and what to do when you have different wants and needs.
• The key ingredients of relationship agreements.
• How often you should revisit your relationship agreement.
• Common problems that can arise in open relationships, and how to deal with them.

To learn more about Dr. Nelson, visit drtammynelson.com and be sure to check out her book, Open Monogamy.

More than 60% of American adults say they've had sex with a friend in the past year, a number that has increased considerably over the last two decades. Despite the fact that sex between friends is so common, it's not something people often discuss. Can you go back to being just friends afterwards? And how do you approach sex with a friend without anyone getting hurt? Today's show is all about making "friends with benefits" work. My guest is Dr. Jesse Owen, a Professor in the Counseling Psychology Department at the University of Denver. He is a licensed psychologist with clinical specializations in couple and family therapy and multicultural therapy. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What does it mean to be "friends with benefits" and what do these relationships tend to look like?
• Do people of different genders and sexual orientations approach friends with benefits in different ways?
• What are the main reasons people start having sex with their friends?
• How long do friends with benefits usually last, and what happens when these relationships end?
• Can friends with benefits go back to being just friends? Can they also turn into healthy romantic relationships?
• What questions should you ask yourself before jumping into a friends with benefits arrangement?
• What kinds of rules or boundaries should you consider if you have a friend with benefits in order to stay safe and prevent things from getting complicated?

Learn more about Dr. Owen here.

Sex education in the United States leaves a lot of people on the sidelines, from racial and ethnic minorities to LGBTQ+ youth to persons with disabilities. Part of the reason for this is that just nine (!) states require sex ed to be delivered in an unbiased and culturally appropriate way. So how can we make sex education work for everyone? My guest today is Dr. Tanya Bass, an award-winning sexuality educator who teaches at North Carolina Central University’s Department of Public Health Education. She also founded the North Carolina Sexual Health Conference. We talk all about sex ed and how sex is depicted in the media—the good, the bad, and the very ugly of it all, and how we can improve it. Some of the topics we explore include:

• Who’s currently being left out of sex ed and what this means for their sexual health.
• Why representation is important in sex education, and how we can make sex ed more accessible to diverse audiences.
• The importance of language in sex ed (and why we need to stop talking about race as a "risk factor" for STDs).
• What we can do to promote better, more equitable sex ed for everyone.
• Which TV shows and movies are getting depictions of sex right, and which ones are getting it wrong.
• How popular media portrayals of sex influence our behavior.
• How we can use media depictions of sex as teachable moments.

Learn more about Dr. Bass at tanyambass.com and follow her on the socials at @DrTanyaMBass

How can you tell if you're in lust or in love? Is "love at first sight" real? When is the right time to say "I love you" in a relationship? And how do you keep love alive long-term? Today's episode is all about the science of love, and we're going to talk about so many important and fascinating questions! My guest is none other than "The Love Doctor" herself, Dr. Terri Orbuch. Terri is a distinguished professor at Oakland University and a research scientist at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. She has been studying the science of love and relationships for more than three decades and her latest book is called Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships. We cover a lot of ground in this show, including:

• The four signs that distinguish love from lust.
• How to get the lust back in your relationship after the initial passion starts to decline.
• The truth about the "5 love languages" (is there actually any science behind this idea?).
• Tips for maintaining happy, healthy, loving relationships for the long haul.
• When it's the right time to make your relationship "official" and to say "I love you" to a partner.
• When too much closeness becomes a problem, and how to maintain your individuality in a relationship.
• Tips for dialing down the pressure on Valentine's Day and enjoying a stress-free holiday.
• How parents can help their kids to cultivate healthy relationships.

This is such an important (and fun!) episode! To learn more about Terri, visit drterrithelovedoctor.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.

At one time or another, almost everyone has had a BDSM fantasy of some type. Despite its widespread popularity, however, BDSM is a subject that remains widely misunderstood and stigmatized. It's a taboo topic in broader society that people are often reluctant to discuss out of fear of being judged. So let's talk about it! One of the biggest things that changed the way I think about BDSM was having the opportunity to interview a professional dominatrix a few years back. I’m bringing her onto the show today to give you an inside look at this world and what I learned. My guest is Stavroula Toska, an award-winning filmmaker who has received honors from the Sundance Film Festival and countless other festivals around the globe. Stavroula has a reputation for authentic storytelling that pushes boundaries and explores human nature from a unique point of view. Among her many compelling works is a web series called SWITCH, which chronicles her years of experience working in the BDSM scene. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What it's like to be a professional dominatrix, and how being a dominatrix changed the way Stavroula sees herself.
• Who visits a professional dominatrix, and why.
• Whether there's any truth to the idea of powerful men wanting to be submissive in the bedroom.
• Whether BDSM is always about sex.
• Why Home Depot is a one-stop shop for professional dominatrixes (I love this part!).
• How the pandemic changed the world of professional domination.
• Why the stigma around BDSM persists.
• What people who want to explore BDSM for the first time need to know.

To learn more about Stavroula, visit https://thetoskamatrix.com and check out her web series SWITCH at https://switchtheseries.com

Space travel is a rapidly expanding industry. In the near future, people are going to be traveling and maybe even living outside of Earth’s atmosphere for prolonged periods of time. This raises a lot of interesting questions about how we can make life in outer space compatible with human needs, including our sexual and intimate needs. However, space organizations aren’t talking about sex in space, and they aren’t studying it either. But if we’re going to build spacefaring societies, this is something we need to understand. So what are the potential benefits and risks of sex in space, and how can we overcome the challenges? This episode is going to take you to the final frontiers of sex. We're not only going to explore what we know about space sex, but also sex with robots. My guest is Simon Dubé, a Public Scholar and PhD candidate in psychology at Concordia University specializing in human sexuality, sextech, and erobotics, which is the study of human-machine erotic interaction and co-evolution. He is a student representative of the International Academy of Sex Research and a general co-Chair of the International Congress on Love & Sex with Robots. Some of the topics we explore include:

• Why is there so much resistance to studying sex in space and sex with robots?
• What are the potential benefits and risks of sex in space?
• How can we overcome the challenges of sex in space in order to maximize the benefits?
• Should space crews and missions only consist of members of the same sex?
• What are the potential benefits and risks of sex with robots?
• What do modern sex robots look like, and how much do they cost?
• How does the issue of consent work when it comes to sex robots?
• Can sex robots help us to become better lovers for human partners?

To learn more about Simon, follow him on Twitter @SciDub11 If you'd like to take part in some of Simon's research on erobotics, email sextechstudy2@gmail.com to learn about current and upcoming participation opportunities.

Cuckolding refers to a sexual practice in which someone finds it arousing to watch their partner have sex with another person. I first learned about cuckolding nearly a decade ago and, in the years since, its popularity has exploded. Google searches for it are on the rise, it's increasing mentioned and depicted in the popular media, and it regularly emerges among the top porn searches in the world year in and year out. There's even a new annual tradition called #CuckWeek, aimed at celebrating the cuckold lifestyle. So why are so many people into cuckolding? For insight, I spoke with Dr. David Ley and Rose Caraway. David Ley is a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and author of the book Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them, which was just released on audiobook. Rose narrated the audiobook for Insatiable Wives and is host of Kiss Me Quick's Erotica Podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How cuckolding can be sexually empowering for women.
• The diverse motivations behind why men want to watch their partners have sex with other people (there isn't just one reason!).
• How common cuckolding fantasies are, and who's most likely to have them.
• How cuckolding is distinct from cheating.
• How cuckolding relationships tend to work out.
• What people who are thinking about exploring cuckolding need to know.
• How to bring sex to life as an audiobook narrator.