“Sex-positive” is a term that gets used a lot these days, but it doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone. Sometimes it’s about sexual openness or enthusiasm, other times it’s about respect for sexual diversity, and sometimes it’s even used in coercive ways. In this episode, we explore what sex-positivity actually is, and what it isn’t.

I am joined once again by Dr. Carol Queen, the staff sexologist, Company Historian, and Curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum at Good Vibrations. A noted cultural sexologist whose work has been widely published, she's written and edited several books, including The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• What are the core features of sex-positivity?
• What are some common usages of the term that miss the mark?
• Why is it important to separate sex-positivity from things like sexual behavior, frequency, and identity?
• How can you recognize when sex-positivity is being used coercively rather than ethically?
• How can you apply sex-positive values in everyday life?

Sex shops are more than just retail spaces. In fact, they’re often where people actually learn about sex. When formal sex ed fails, sex shops step in to answer questions about bodies, pleasure, and desire. In this episode, we're exploring how sex shops became unexpected sex educators, and what we can learn from that.

My guest is Dr. Carol Queen, the staff sexologist, Company Historian, and Curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum at Good Vibrations. A noted cultural sexologist whose work has been widely published, she's written and edited several books, including The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• How did sex shops become one of the main places people actually learn about sex?
• How did Good Vibrations completely change what a sex shop could be?
• What questions are people really bringing into sex shops when they walk through the door?
• How do you train retail staff to be responsible sex educators — not just good salespeople?

A lot has changed very quickly lately, and nowhere is this more evident than in LGBTQ+ health. In just a short period of time, we’ve seen shifts in research funding, data collection, public health infrastructure, and the broader social climate, all of which have real, measurable consequences for people’s mental, physical, and sexual well-being.

In today’s episode, I’m joined by two experts who study how stress, stigma, and uncertainty affect LGBTQ+ people, and what these rapid changes mean for health and resilience right now.

• What are the key changes that have happened around LGBTQ+ health and research?
• What do these changes mean for the broader community?
• How does social connection help buffer against stress?
• How can LGBTQ+ people, their families, and the professionals who work with them support each other right now?

• Tips and advice for singles looking to find love in the New Year.
• The benefits of "slow dating."
• How to rebuild and strengthen emotional connection and intimacy.
• How to stop having the same fight over and over again.
• Tips for improving relationship communication.

• What distinguishes resolutions that actually work from those that don't?
• What are some resolutions that can improve the relationship you have with yourself?
• What are some good resolutions to consider for better sex with a partner?
• How can we resolve to make sex more of a priority in our lives?

• How (and why) does sexual behavior change with the seasons?
• Why is Santa such a popular sex symbol at this time of year?
• How do you prevent holiday stress from spoiling the mood?

Erectile dysfunction has long been treated with guesswork and one-size-fits-all solutions. But new technology is changing that by making erections measurable. In this episode, we explore the FirmTech TechRing, a wearable that tracks erection data during sleep and sex, and what insights from over 136,000 erections reveal about erectile fitness, overall health, and the future of data-driven sexual medicine.

• How is the TechRing different from a traditional penis ring?
• What can real-time erection data tell men about their health?
• How does using an erection ring compare to taking an ED medication?
• How can an erection ring make sex better?

• What are the biggest things people get wrong about erectile dysfunction?
• What is venous leak, and why is it such an under-diagnosed contributor to ED?
• Why do nighttime erections happen, and what do they tell us about men's health?
• What's the problem with using pills as a one-size-fits-all solution to ED?

• What are the main reasons why some gay men have sex with women?
• Why might a woman want to have sex with a gay man?
• Does your sexual behavior necessarily have to align with your sexual identity?
• Why do people sometimes engage in behaviors that don't seem to match up with their sexual orientation?

Although gay men are often seen as being pretty uninhibited when it comes to sex, their fantasy lives tell a more complex story. Like everyone else, many gay men experience shame, confusion, or conflict around their fantasies. In today’s show, we’re diving into common themes that show up in gay men’s fantasies, the psychology behind them, and how to drop the shame.

• What do sexual fantasies actually mean or represent?
• What kinds of things are gay men likely to fantasies about?
• Why are taboo themes so prevalent in gay men's fantasies?
• How does porn shape gay men's fantasies?
• What do gay men who feel ashamed or confused about their fantasies need to know?

• What do people today think "counts" as cheating?
• Is watching porn a form of infidelity? What about sexting with an AI chatbot?
• How many people suspect a partner has cheated on them before?
• What kind of detective work do people do to determine if a partner has cheated?
• How do we balance the benefits and challenges of digital intimacy?

• What specific changes are people noticing in their dating lives as a result of taking one of these drugs?
• Why does weight loss seem to be benefiting men more than women when it comes to dating?
• How do GLP-1 medications affect sexual health and function? And is it different for men and women?
• Are people taking GLP-1 medications worried about social judgement?

• What is the Multiple Relationships Maintenance Scale, and what can it tell us about how CNM relationships work?
• How do people in CNM relationships navigate things like jealousy, resource distribution, and hierarchy?
• What are people in the most successful CNM relationships doing?
• What can monogamous couples learn from how CNM people structure their relationships?

• What the difference between CNM and infidelity?
• How is cheating within a CNM relationship similar to or different from cheating in a monogamous relationship?
• What are some of the logistical and emotional challenges in CNM relationships?
• What are some of the key components to a successful CNM relationship?
• How is CNM related to sexual health and safer-sex practices?

• Why has it taken so long for us to gain a solid scientific understanding of the clitoris?
• How many nerve endings are actually in the clitoris?
• How can a better understanding of clitoral anatomy help to improve sexual health and pleasure?
• Is there really a difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms?
• What is the role of testosterone in clitoral health and wellness?

• Where does the idea of masturbation as sinful originate?
• Historically, how have religious and political figures dissuaded people from masturbating?
• When did masturbation start to become a public health concern?
• How has the rise of social media coincided with the rise of negative views of masturbation?

• What does a typical abstinence pledge look like?
• How common are abstinence pledges today?
• Do abstinence pledges actually delay sexual activity?
• How might abstinence pledges make people less prepared for sex and relationships?
• What happens when people "break" their pledge?

• How does purity culture shape attitudes toward sex, desire, and one's own body?
• What are some ways to work through the shame that people often feel due to purity culture?
• How can you begin exploring your sexuality when you still have some internal conflicts about it?
• Is it possible to remain religious without adopting the sexual shame that often comes with it?

• What do you need to know if you're worried about becoming too "dependent" on sex toys?
• How can people introduce sex toys into partnered sex without stoking insecurity?
• Are sex toys just for women and single people?
• What are some beginner-friendly sex toys worth considering?
• What should you do if you try a toy and find that it doesn't seem to do much for you?

• What does it mean to view sex toys as experiences rather than products?
• What all goes into designing and developing a new sex toy?
• How can you tell the good sex toys from the bad?
• In what ways can sex toys help us to improve our sex lives?

• Why are people with psychopathic characteristics often rated as more attractive?
• How are mental health conditions associated with sex drive and sexual behavior?
• Are people with "daddy issues" more eager to please in bed?
• Will therapy make you ready for a relationship?

• What are some of the problems with overusing therapy speak?
• How is social media changing the way people think about and approach relationships?
• What does the term "love-bombing" actually mean?
• How do you know the difference between something like love-bombing and just moving fast in a relationship?

• What is the role of self-exploration in navigating sex and intimacy after sexual assault?
• What are some practical things that can potentially help survivors of sexual assault?
• What does the concept of post-traumatic growth look like in practice?
• How can helping professionals become better-equipped to serve survivors?

• Why do discussions about safer sex almost always leave oral sex out of the equation?
• Oral sex is often thought of as a low- or no-risk activity, but is that really the case?
• How come dental dams never really caught on?
• How does Lorals offer something different compared to other barrier methods?
• How can we help people to maximize both pleasure and safety during sexual activity?

• What is sensate focus, and how can it be a beneficial practice in relationships?
• How can we get better at initiating sex?
• What are some ways for us to learn more about our own desires?
• Why is it important to expand our definition of sex and bring more creativity into the bedroom?

• Why is parenting more stressful than ever? And what does this mean for parents' intimate lives?
• How can you make your relationship a priority when it feels like everything is overwhelming?
• How can parents' attachment styles exacerbate disconnection and conflict?
• What are some of the different issues parents face when it comes to having younger versus older children?

• What are the most common sexual fantasies people have?
• Which fantasies are people most likely to tell their partners about, and why?
• How is being in a relationship characterized by high levels of sexual novelty linked to sharing fantasies?
• How is the length of a relationship related to whether people share their fantasies?

• Is it common for people to share their fantasies with their partners?
• What is the most common reason for sharing a sexual fantasy?
• Why do some people choose to keep their fantasies secret?
• Do partners typically respond positively or negatively when fantasies are shared?
• When is sharing your fantasies a good idea?

• How do you know when an argument you're having with a partner is reflective of a larger negative cycle?
• What are some ways to use vulnerability to break out of a negative cycle?
• What does co-regulation look like for couples trying to resolve an argument?
• What are the most common traps that lead to negative cycles in the first place?
• How can couples repair their relationship if a negative cycle sneaks in?

• Why is the idea that there's just one perfect "recipe" for oral sex a myth?
• How do you deal with common roadblocks that interfere with your ability to enjoy performing oral sex, like boredom or discomfort?
• What are some new positions or approaches that can elevate oral experiences?
• What should you do if oral sex feels like it has become a duty or obligation instead of something you love doing?
• What are the key factors that make oral sex great?

• What's the problem with one-size-fits-all medical advice?
• How does the concept of PMS pathologize natural things that happen to women’s bodies?
• What's the problem with using the male body as the "standard" in scientific research?
• What's wrong with the way scientists typically treat the menstrual cycle in studies of women?
• How can we do research that actually serves women?

• What's the deal with PMS? Why did women evolve to feel like crap for half of the menstrual cycle?
• How do the rise and fall of different hormones during the cycle affect women's brains?
• Progesterone is a hormone that's supposed to make us feel good. So why doesn't it have that effect during the second half of the menstrual cycle?
• How do estrogen and progesterone affect sexual motivation and desire?

• How can we have a healthier relationship with our own sexual pleasure?
• How do we make pleasure a priority in everyday life?
• What are some practical ways to reawaken sexual desire?
• How can we begin to identify what we really do and don't want when it comes to sex?
• How can we get better at both saying "no" and hearing "no" in the bedroom?

• What are the benefits of looking at sex more holistically?
• Why is the idea of "sensuality" so crucial to our sexuality?
• How do we begin to awake our sensuality to learn more about our own sexual style?
• What is the importance of really understanding our own bodies when it comes to enhancing sexual wellbeing?
• What are some ways to get more comfortable with our own bodies?

• What does it really men to be "sexually confident?"
• How do popular myths about male sexuality inhibit men's confidence in the bedroom?
• Is more testosterone really the key to more confidence?
• What can men do if they want to increase their sexual stamina?
• When should you see a professional about sexual performance concerns?

• What is the average penis size anyway?
• Can stretching make your penis bigger?
• Do penis pumps work to increase size?
• Are surgeries to enhance penis size worth the risks?
• Are there any pills or medications that can make your penis larger?

• How does BDSM offer a way for people to explore their creative side?
• What can we learn from BDSM practitioners about vulnerability and intimacy?
• How can BDSM allow us to explore pleasure beyond traditional sexual scripts?
• What can we learn from kinky folks about having realistic expectations in the bedroom?

• What are some of the biggest things people get wrong about kink and BDSM?
• What might people get out of BDSM besides (or in addition to) sexual fulfillment?
• How do people typically find their way into BDSM?
• What's the role of community in BDSM?
• Why is kink more prevalent in among LGBTQ+ persons?

• How many US states today require that students receive sex education?
• Why don't we have a federal mandate for sex ed in the US?
• What can we do to improve sex ed in our own communities?
• What can we learn from other countries that are getting sex ed right?
• Why do we need to stop thinking about sex education as a one-time talk or course?

• Why do we keep having the same arguments about sex ed?
• What really holding sex education back?
• How did abstinence become such a dominant part of sex education in the US?
• Does abstinence education actually work as intended?
• Why is it so hard to access comprehensive sex education when it's what most parents say they want?

• Is same-sex attraction genetic?
• How can two people who share 100% of the same DNA have different sexual orientations?
• When researchers are studying sexual orientation, should they be looking at attraction, identity, behavior, or all of the above?
• Why is having more older brothers linked to greater odds of homosexuality in men?
• What other biological factors are associated with sexual orientation?

• What's the difference between social monogamy and sexual monogamy?
• How common are social and sexual monogamy in both humans and animals, and how often do they overlap?
• Can research on other primates shed light on how human mating strategies evolved?
• Can someone's brain chemistry predispose them to being monogamous or non-monogamous?

• Does porn cause erectile difficulties?
• How can insecure relationship dynamics play a role in erectile difficulties?
• How does early attachment trauma affect sexual function during adulthood?
• Where does performance pressure come from and how does it affect erectile function?
• What are some of the benefits of sex therapy for ED?

• How many people are in sexless relationships?
• What questions should we be asking when we find ourselves in a sexual dry spell?
• How can you bring erotic tension back into your relationship?
• What are ways to bring a sense of mystery and play back into sex?
• How can we reinvent our date nights in a way that’s going to cultivate more erotic energy and excitement?

• How is a camsite different from a traditional porn site?
• Who are the primary visitors of camsites?
• To what extent do users feel emotional bonds with cam models?
• Can we develop authentic intimacy in a transactional setting?

• How many singles are currently using AI to boost their dating odds?
• In what ways are people using AI to help them date?
• Is AI going to ruin dating or make it better?
• How many people have sought an AI romantic companion?
• What’s the appeal of an AI companion? Can AI actually provide emotional fulfillment?

• What do people often get wrong about setting boundaries?
• How can you establish and communicate about your boundaries more effectively?
• How do we navigate feelings of hurt when it comes to boundary setting?
• What's the problem with being a people-pleaser?
• How can we maintain boundaried relationships with someone who's underfunctioning?

• Why do we need to think differently about codependency?
• Are romantic relationships really more valuable than non-romantic ones?
• How do we walk the tightrope of not demanding too much, but not asking for too little in our relationships?
• In relationships, how can you tell the difference between screw-ups, mistreatment, and abuse?
• Why do people often take good relationship advice and apply it incorrectly?

• In what ways can kink enhance sex for persons with ADHD?
• How can BDSM help people who might have sensory sensitivities?
• In what ways can scene negotiation help people with ADHD in terms of attention management?
• Why is there a link between neurodivergence and kinky interests more broadly?
• What can all of us learn from kinksters in terms of having better sex?

• How common is it for women to have ADHD?
• Why is ADHD typically diagnosed so much later in women than men?
• What are the most common sex problems that women with ADHD experience?
• What is "executive dysfunction" and how does it contribute to low desire?
• What are some ways women with ADHD can approach sex so that it works with their brains, and not against them?

• How many people have ever received an unsolicited dick pic?
• What kind of reaction are people who send unsolicited dick pics hoping for?
• What platforms are men typically sending these photos on?
• How often are these photos perceived positively versus negatively?
• If you're thinking about sending a dick pic to someone, what do you need to know?

• What counts as porn? And how do you measure porn use on surveys when different people have different definitions of it?
• Why are there so many discrepant findings about pornography's effects in the research?
• Why shouldn't we think of porn as addictive? How should we think about it instead?
• When people identify porn as a problem in their lives, is porn per se really the issue or is there usually something else going on?
• In what ways can porn potentially have positive effects on people?

• How did WWII influence BDSM practices and communities?
• What's the historical connection between BDSM and fascist politics?
• How are kink and BDSM represented in popular media?
• How do we balance making representations of minority sexualities accessible without over-relying on stereotypes?

• How far back in human history does interest in BDSM go?
• When we look back through history, how do we know whether something actually reflects BDSM as we know it today?
• What is the role of religion in the history of BDSM?
• Where did the term "sadomasochism" come from?
• How have views on BDSM changed over time?

• Where did this idea that men are "simple" and women are "complex" when it comes to sex come from?
• How do attractiveness standards affect men when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships?
• What do men who are anxious about their penis size need to know?
• Are men always supposed to be aroused and ready for sex?
• To what degree is sex emotional vs. physical for men?

• Why do so many couples fight about porn?
• Are fights about porn a symptom of a deeper issue?
• Why is porn mostly an issue heterosexual, monogamous relationships but not so much in queer and non-monogamous relationships?
• How can we use porn in healthy ways in relationships?
• How can you have more productive conversations about porn with your partner?

• Is there a better phrase than "body count" that we can use when referring to the number of partners we've had?
• What's the average body count among adults today, and how has it changed over time?
• How does body count differ across gender?
• What are people really asking when they inquire about body count?
• Does body count actually tell you anything about someone else's sexual health or competence?

• What does being a "nice guy" actually mean?
• Do nice guys really finish last when it comes to sex and dating?
• How do you walk the line between being confident and assertive in the bedroom without venturing into entitlement?
• How can men start to embrace their sexual desires more authentically?

• What are some things men can do to cultivate their sexual confidence?
• How can men focus more on pleasure instead of getting fixated on performance?
• How can changing up your masturbation routine help when it comes to having better partnered sex?
• What are some ways you can get better at using your hands during sex?

• What does it mean to reclaim the world "slut," and why is it important?
• Why is reclaiming sexual slurs controversial?
• What does it really mean to be sexually empowered?
• How can we become more sexually empowered?