Episode 209: When You Want Less Sex Than Your Partner

July 25, 2023 by Justin Lehmiller

Sex and Psychology Podcast
Sex and Psychology Podcast
Episode 209: When You Want Less Sex Than Your Partner

In long-term sexual relationships, partners aren’t always on the same page about sex. This is normal. However, when a sexual desire discrepancy becomes large and persistent, it can become a significant source of conflict and distress. So let’s talk about how to navigate desire discrepancies. This is the first episode in a two-part series on the subject. Today, we’re going to discuss what to do when you’re the one who wants less sex. In the next episode, we’re going to talk about the flipside: what to do when you’re the partner who wants more sex.

My guest is Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. She is the co-author of the forthcoming book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. Her co-author of this book, Jennifer Vencill, will join me for the next episode.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

  • How common are sexual desire discrepancies?
  • What are some of the factors that can negatively affect libido and lead to a decline in sexual desire?
  • What does it really mean to have “low libido?” Is your libido actually low, or does it just seem low compared to your partner?
  • What are some strategies for reconnecting with your partner when dealing with low libido?
  • What is sensate focus, and how can it be helpful in dealing with a sexual desire discrepancy?

To learn more, make sure to check out Lauren’s website and connect with her on Instagram.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.


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Written by
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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