Episode 8: Sex Therapy in Kinky and Polyamorous Relationships
August 7, 2020 by Justin Lehmiller
People have a tendency to assume that those who are kinky and/or polyamorous must have sexual communication all figured out. However, just like anyone else, they face their own set of sexual and relationship problems—problems that sometimes require professional help.
In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Shamyra Howard, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker based in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and author of the book Use Your Mouth: Pocket-sized Conversations to Simply Increase 7 Types of Intimacy in and out of the Bedroom. Shamyra specializes in treating clients who have sexual and relationship identities that fall outside of the mainstream, including LGBTQ+ persons, those who are into kinky or BDSM sex, and those who identify as polyamorous.
This is one of my favorite episodes I’ve recorded so far, and we cover a lot of ground, including:
- What are the main issues that prompt people with kinky/BDSM interests to seek sex therapy?
- How do you negotiate boundaries and consent in the BDSM scene?
- What is “race play” and how do people cope with anxieties around eroticizing racial dynamics?
- How do people who enjoy dominant-submissive dynamics in their sexual encounters create balance in their day-to-day relationships if they only desire those dynamics in a sexual context?
- What are the main issues the prompt people in open, polyamorous, or swinging relationship to seek sex therapy?
- How do you manage jealousy in a consensually non-monogamous relationship?
- Why is it important for people who are polyamorous to find time for themselves?
- What kind of training do sex therapists get when it comes to kink/BDSM and consensual non-monogamy?
- How does one find a therapist or professional who is kink- and/or polyamory-affirming?
To learn more about Shamyra Howard, check out her website (On the Green Couch) here or follow her on Instagram or Facebook @SexologistShamyra.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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