Sexy Sounds: The Songs People Hear in Their Sexual Fantasies

Sexual fantasies can be a multi-sensory experience. They’re not just about what we can see—but also what we can feel, smell, taste, and hear. In this post, we’re going to take a look at the role of music in sexual fantasies. How many people have a “soundtrack” to their sexy thoughts? And what are they listening to?

In the survey of 4,175 Americans I conducted for my book Tell Me What You Want, I included questions about what people hear in their fantasies, including everything from dirty talk to moaning and groaning to music.

Overall, 55% of participants said that music is playing in their sexual fantasies at least some of the time; however, only 6% said that this is often the case. So, while most people seem to have had a soundtrack to their fantasies before, it doesn’t appear to be a staple of most people’s fantasies.

Across genders and sexual orientations, the numbers were fairly similar in terms of whether people had fantasies with music playing: 55% for heterosexual men and women, 59% for lesbian and bisexual women, and 50% for gay and bisexual men.

That said, it’s worth noting that women were twice as likely to say that music is often a part of their sexual fantasies compared to men (8% vs. 4%, respectively).

So, what kinds of songs did people fantasize about hearing most often? I allowed people to write this in as opposed to giving them a choice of selected songs so that I could capture as much variability as possible—and, gosh, was it ever variable!

Most commonly, people said things like “it depends on the mood/setting/person,” “it varies,” “it’s random,” “whatever is in my head/my favorite song at the time,” or “there isn’t one specific song.” Followed by this, they mentioned “generic” music of a specific genre—most commonly, classical or instrumental music (i.e., something without words).

There were just a few songs that received several mentions. These included:

• “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails
• “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
• “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye
• “All of Me” by John Legend
• “Pony” by Ginuwine
• “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak

As I mentioned, though, there was a TON of variability, with people mentioning everything from “Stairway to Heaven” to “the sex song from Top Gun” to “Rocket Man” to “the theme song from Last of the Mohicans” to “You Shook Me All Night Long” to “Skyfall” to “Here Comes the Rain Again” to “Barbie Girl.” The best I can describe these data is that it was a random smattering of songs! There was no discernable underlying theme; rather, it appeared to be highly idiosyncratic.

So, who fantasizes about music playing as they have sex? I found that this was linked to a number of personality traits and characteristics, as well as other types of fantasies:

• People high in the personality trait of conscientiousness (which involves a lot of attention to detail) fantasized more often about music. This makes sense because conscientious people tend to pay more attention to “setting the scene” in general.
• People high in the personality trait of extraversion (which involves being more sociable and outgoing) had more fantasies about music, perhaps because they tend to be more likely to fantasize about sex in social settings where music is likely to be playing.
• People high openness to experience and who had overactive imaginations had more fantasies about music—but, then again, they had more fantasies about almost everything!
• People high in the personality trait of neuroticism (which involves being stressed out easily) had fewer fantasies involving music. For these folks, music might create an unwanted distraction.
• Those who had more BDSM fantasies (particularly fantasies about sadism and dominance) had more fantasies about music playing, perhaps because it helps to set their desired mood (I suspect this is why NIN’s “Closer” was the most frequently mentioned song).
• Those who had more fantasies about passion and romance had more fantasies about music playing as well—again, this is likely about using music to create a certain mood and it probably explains why classical and instrumental music were frequently mentioned.
• Those who had more fantasies about recreating movie sex scenes had more fantasies about music playing as well, which may suggest a general tendency for some people to incorporate pop culture into their fantasies.

As you can see from the above, people might incorporate music into their sexual fantasies for various reasons; however, the specific songs people fantasize about appear to be highly individualized to reflect their tastes and the mood they want to create.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash