How Women Talk To Their Friends About Sex

Last week in my sexual communication class, I asked my students what their most impactful source of sexual education is when it comes to learning about sex and sexuality. Some students discussed conversations they had with their parents, others mentioned specific television shows like Glee or Degrassi, and a few of them described being exposed to sexual topics on various social media sites. That said, the most popular source of sexual education for my students was their friends. It was the most popular by far. This was especially true for the women in my class, who explained how important their peers were, and continue to be, in developing their sexual identities. 

If friends are so important for sexual education, what is it that peers actually talk about? What don’t they talk about? And why might that matter? In this post, we’re going answer these questions by highlighting a recent article published in The Journal of Sex Research that investigated norms surrounding women’s sexual communication with each other. [1]

The Role of Friends in Sex Education 

Research supports the idea that friends play a pivotal role in sexual education and sexual health. Multiple studies have found that friends are among the most salient sources of sexual education in people’s lives [2] and that friends are considered important sources of information when it comes to sexual health measures, such as STI testing. [3] For example, friends can serve as “peer administrators” for sexual health, sometimes even helping us to arrange relationships with administrative health services, like a campus health center. 

However, while friends can potentially be valuable sources of sex-positive information, they can also be sexual gatekeepers. [5] In other words, they sometimes encourage sexual exploration, but they sometimes also shame us for engaging in certain behaviors. This means that the way friends talk about sex with one another matters, which is what we’re exploring next. 

How Women Talk To Their Friends About Sex

Given the importance of friends for our sexual health and wellbeing, what does contemporary sexual communication between women look like in practice? The main study we’re looking at surveyed 608 women ages 20-77 about their sexual communication behaviors with same-gender peers. The researchers looked at what women actually discuss with their friends about sex, their concerns regarding talking about sex with others, and how they describe certain sex-related conversations. 

Results indicated that most commonly-discussed topics amongst women are how often they have sex, birth control, sex that was good, problems with sex, and sex that was bad. Birth control was also the topic that women wished was spoken about the most amongst friends, followed by condoms, STDs/STIs, problems with sex, and low sex drive. Generally speaking, this suggests that women often talk with each other about different kinds of sex they’re having—mainly if it’s good or bad—as well as sexual health concerns. 

This study also reveals which topics women are talking about much less compared to other topics. For example, only 33% of participants spoke to their friends about masturbation, 31% about pornography, and 26.6% about anal sex. 

Across all topics, the fear of being uncomfortable or making others uncomfortable was the most common reason for avoiding certain forms of sexual communication. When exploring these feelings more in-depth, the researchers found that participants would avoid topics they felt were “too taboo,” topics that would violate privacy between romantic partners, and those that would offend their own or others’ religious and cultural beliefs. [1]

Why This Communication Matters

There are two big takeaways from this study. First, participants said they wanted to engage in more sexual communication with their friends across all topics, including those that some may perceive as taboo or uncomfortable. This tells us that despite friends being a key source of sexual information, there is still plenty more that women wish they spoke with their friends about. This includes not just sexual health concerns, but also things like giving and receiving oral sex, sex toys, and orgasms. 

Second, the researchers noted that “sexual communication avoidance is cyclical in nature” (p. 8). In other words, the more we avoid talking about sexual topics because they are seen as taboo, the more likely they are to continue to be seen as uncomfortable subjects to discuss. [1] Given the important role that friends play in sexual wellbeing, this means that it’s paramount to practice discussing sexual topics with peers in order to become more comfortable with these kinds of conversations over time. Of course, this only works if conversations are received well, and if communication is open and honest. 

In short, it seems that women want to talk about a wider range of sexual topics with their friends more often, But being the person who is willing to start that conversation and approaching it in a shame-free manner is key to supporting each other’s sexual wellbeing. 

If you have a sex question of your own, record a voicemail at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology to have it answered on the blog or the podcast. 

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References 

 [1] Pariera, K. L., Blasband, A., & Job, M. (2026). Norms and sanctions for talking about sex: Women’s sexual communication with friends. The Journal of Sex Research, OnlineFirst. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2026.2714427

[2] Allen, J. L., Yett, A., Saxon, S., Houston, K. M., Mitchell, M., Tarrh, C., Boyd, D. T., Williams, A. T., & Quinn, C. R. (2026). Friends, the internet, porn, and sexual partners: A qualitative content analysis of the ways that gay men learned about sex. The Journal of Men’s Studies. https://doi.org/10.1177/10608265261427183

[3] Chan, C., Holt, M., Philpot, S., Wong, H. T. H., Haire, B., Saliba, B., Nguyen, M., Murphy, D., Grulich, A. E., Broady, T. R., Gordon, T., Varma, R., Templeton, D. J., Vu, G., Wells, N., & Bavinton, B. R. (2025). The role of social and sexual networks in connecting to sexual health services: Findings from a qualitative study among migrant gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men in Australia. Sexuality Research and Social Policy. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-025-01195-4

[4] Muraleetharan, V., & Brault, M. A. (2023). Friends as informal educators: The role of peer relationships in promotion of sexual health services among college students. Community Health Equity Research & Policy, 44(1), 29–41. https://doi.org/10.1177/0272684X211034661

[5] Trinh, S. L. (2016). “Enjoy your sexuality, but do it in secret”: Exploring undergraduate women’s reports of friends’ sexual communications. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 40(1), 96–107. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684315596914