7 Things You Should Know About Kink and BDSM

BDSM (which stands for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism) is one of the most popular sexual fantasies. It’s also a relatively common sexual behavior, with nationally representative US surveys finding that as many as 1 in 3 American adults have tried some form of BDSM before.

Interest in BDSM appears to have risen in recent years and, at the time time, so has scientific interest in the subject. So let’s take a look at some of the key things research has uncovered about BDSM.

1.) There isn’t just one thing that draws people to BDSM—in fact, there are at least 8 possible reasons! For some, it seems to be a lifelong orientation, whereas for others, BDSM interest emerges later in life in response to some positive experience (perhaps a partner introduced you to it) or to meet some need (such as seeking balance, or coping with the pain of chronic illness). There’s a popular stereotype that BDSM is inherently rooted in some personal trauma–and, for some–there is truth to this. However, it’s far more common for people to be drawn to BDSM for other reasons.

2.) BDSM isn’t always about sex. Research on kinksters finds that BDSM tends to have sexual elements more often than not—but it’s a non-sexual experience for at least some individuals, with some people deriving personal or other meaning from BDSM. Also, some people who are asexual are drawn to kink, too. Kink is not synonymous with sex.

3.) People’s interest in BDSM seems to change with age. In my own research on sexual fantasies, I find that interest in BDSM is actually highest among young adults (those in their 20s) and that it tends to be less common among older adults; however, BDSM fantasies are relatively common in every age group. Why might interest in BDSM change with age? One possibility is that it might be related, in part, to personality shifts that happen as we get older—and those shifts might predispose us to having different sexual interests. Learn more about this idea here. At the same time, it’s also possible that age differences in kinky interests reflect generational differences, so more research is needed to tease apart these potential explanations.

4.) People who practice BDSM have relationships that are just as happy and healthy as everyone else. Many people (including some sex therapists) have questioned whether you can be into BDSM and have a healthy relationship—however, the research shows that consensual BDSM doesn’t impair relationship functioning or undermine relationship happiness, so let’s put this myth to rest.

5.) Exploring BDSM can boost sexual satisfaction. One of the biggest things that distinguishes the most from the least sexually satisfied couples is that the happy ones are mixing it up and trying new things—and that includes exploring their kinkier side. Research has found that sexually satisfied men and women are 2-3 times more likely to have tried BDSM compared to those who are sexually dissatisfied.

6.) Consent is a huge priority in BDSM–and there’s a lot we can learn from kinksters about how they approach it. It’s common for people to think about content as a process that unfolds during a sexual event, with consent continually being obtained or re-established at each step along the way. However, in the kink and BDSM communities, consent is something that tends to come with “a mutual understanding and agreement ahead of time.”

7. Could kinky sex help close the orgasm gap? When comparing people’s evaluations of “rough sex” to “typical sex,” men and women alike rate rough sex as being more arousing–and that it makes their orgasms more intense. Plus, women report reaching orgasm faster during rough sex.

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