The ‘Gay Ear’ and the History of Queer Signaling

Today, we’re going to dive in and answer a question that a listener sent in about queer signaling. They asked:

“I watched a sitcom the other day (Two and a Half Men) and in it a male character had his right ear pierced and others commented on that it was the ‘gay’ ear. I never paid much attention to piercings as long as they didn’t cause much hindrance during relations. What are some tattoos/piercings/jewelry that express one’s orientation/preferences/kinks?”

Thank you for sending in this question!  

The History of Queer Signaling

Queer culture in the US has a long history of identity signaling through aesthetics. Before Stonewall, a single piercing on the right ear was used by some men to discreetly signal that they were gay.  This helped people find compatible hookups, partners, or friends within the LGBTQ+ community. There was also a popular system called the “hanky code,” where different colors and placements of bandanas could “flag” partners for specific sexual preferences. Similarly, some lesbians were known to wear a carabiner (climbing clip) on their belt loop jeans, a violet flower pin, and/or manicure their ring/middle finger a different color from the rest of their nails. More recently (starting around 2005), some asexual people began wearing an “ace ring” on their middle finger.

During historical periods when homosexuality was criminalized, a subtle accessory that signaled one’s sexuality was useful on multiple levels. For example, it helped members of the community to more easily recognize and find one another, while also making it safer to know who to approach. However, their meaning has evolved over time. As LGBTQ+ acceptance and rights grew, queer aesthetics began to inspire mainstream fashion, leading these identifiers to become more commonplace and to start appearing in other people’s fashion without them necessarily knowing the history.

Modern Queer Signaling

Do we still use queer identity signaling today? Absolutely. However, the landscape has evolved considerably over time. For example, many queer folks today intentionally use piercings and other aesthetics to honor LGBTQ+ history and to express pride. Modern queer aesthetics might include things like vibrantly colored hair, undercuts, avant garde makeup, piercings, tattoos, cuffed jeans, rings, and/or gender non-conforming clothing.  However, modern queer aesthetics is not nearly as specific or coded as it once was. Silent signaling isn’t as necessary or popular now that queerness is more accepted in mainstream US society and more LGBTQ+ people are out and open about their sexuality. One can still use fashion as a public signal, but there are so many more ways to find and connect with community members these days (e.g., Pride events, queer friendship, dating, and hookup apps, etc.).

Kink Signaling

One scene where aesthetics are still very actively used as a ‘code’ is in the kink scene. Attending kink clubs, leatherdyke events, or sex parties is where fashion can still intentionally serve as a type of visual language.  In these contexts, people often wear materials like leather, lace, or latex to express their sexuality. Specific material placement or wearing items like a harness or choker can indicate dominant or submissive preferences. Of course, it’s important to remember that even intentional flagging is not equivalent to consent. Kink signaling can be an invitation to learn more or simply an independent form of self-expression.

We hope that this response is helpful for those interested in the topic of queer signaling. If you have experience with the topic and have additional tips/resources that are not already covered here, feel free to email emily@sexandpsychology.com so that we can update this blog accordingly. 

You can read more sexology Q&A here.  If you have a sex question of your own, record a voicemail at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology to have it answered on the blog or the podcast. 

References:

Damron, B. (1965). The address book [1965]. LGBT thought and culture. 2nd print. San Francisco, CA: Pan Graphic Press