Episode 512: Why Chastity Turns People On
June 23, 2026 by Justin Lehmiller
Historically, chastity was associated with suppressing sexual desire. Today, however, it often means something very different. For many people, it’s a way of exploring desire, anticipation, control, intimacy, and pleasure. In this episode, we’re diving into the psychology of chastity, including why people are drawn to it, who’s into it, and what it can teach us about human sexuality more broadly.
My guest is Paul Botto, the COO of KINK3D. He’s been working in the queer and kink community in San Francisco for the past 10 years, joining KINK3D in 2021 as the company’s first hire.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
- What does chastity mean in modern sexual culture?
- How has the meaning of chastity changed over time?
- What do people find psychologically appealing about chastity?
- Why can limiting pleasure intensify desire?
- Why are some people drawn to chastity outside of kink?
You can check out the KINK3D blog here, as well as find them on Instagram, Twitter, Bluesky, and Reddit.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Check out Sex Ed with DB here to listen to an episode we love on your favorite podcast platform!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
Read full bio >
