Episode 527: How Do You Want To Feel During Sex?
August 14, 2026 by Justin Lehmiller
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When we talk about what we want sexually, we usually describe certain behaviors, positions, or roles. But that’s only part of the story. Beneath what we want to do is a deeper question: How do we want to feel during sex? Some want to feel adored. Others want to feel powerful, desired, free, or cared for. These emotional experiences reflect our Core Desires, and understanding them can offer a much richer picture of our sexuality than simply cataloging our preferred bedroom activities.
I am joined once again by Dr. Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, the co-creators of the Somatica® Method and co-founders of the Somatica Institute, where they have trained coaches around the world in an experiential approach to sex, relationships, and personal transformation. They are the authors of three books and serve as the lead sexologists and co-executive producers of the UK Channel 4 award-winning series Virgin Island.
Some of the specific topics we cover include:
- What are some examples of Core Desires?
- How are Core Desires different from our attachment style?
- Are Core Desires the same thing as sexual fantasies?
- How can someone figure out their Core Desires?
- What are some tips for couples looking to explore their Core Desires together?
You can visit celesteanddanielle.com to learn more about their work and take their Core Desires quiz at https://somatica.com/quiz
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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