Why You Should Put Sex On The Schedule

For many people, the idea of planning sex sounds rather unsexy. Planning takes away the spontaneity, and putting sex on the schedule might make it feel like more of a chore or duty. For some, it might even increase feelings of pressure.

But what if we told you that planning sex actually increases intimacy in a lot of cases? For couples who have opposite schedules, who have young children, or who are just really busy, planning sex might be what actually makes intimacy possible. 

Today, we’re going to discuss a recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research that tested whether planning sex can lead to more frequent sex and more sexual satisfaction for parents of young children. [1] 

Beliefs About Planned Sex and Spontaneous Sex 

Generally speaking, people seem to hold the belief that spontaneous sex is better than planned sex. [2] When thinking about spontaneous sex, we tend to think about sex that begins out of intense passion or desire, like the kind that happens in movies when two people rip each other’s clothes off. In contrast, the idea of planning sex often evokes feelings of obligation or thinking of sex as a chore rather than something rooted in authentic desire. [2] 

However, this idea that spontaneous sex is inherently better than planned sex does not hold up scientifically. Yes, people who hold negative beliefs towards planned sex do feel as though their sexual experiences are less satisfying when they are planned; however, when beliefs about planned sex are positive, people find planned sex to be just as satisfying as the spontaneous kind. [2] 

This leads us to a new question: if we can shift people’s beliefs about planned sex in a more positive direction, would more people find that they enjoy it just as much as other kinds of sex? This is main question behind the study we’re looking at next. 

Changing Planned Sex Beliefs 

Kovacevic and colleagues wanted to see if encouraging people to rethink their beliefs about planned sex would (a) encourage them to have planned sex more often, and (b) be more satisfied while doing so. [1] To test this idea, they had one group of parents of young children read two research articles about the benefits of planned sex, as well as a brief follow-up conveying a condensed version of the same information. 

Another group of parents of young children, who served as the control group, were provided information that said it was unclear whether planned or spontaneous sex was more satisfying. Two weeks after participants read their respective articles, the researchers measured a number of variables about their sex lives, including how often they had planned sex over the past two weeks, how sexually satisfied they felt, and how obligated they felt to have sex. 

How Planned Sex Benefits Young Parents 

As it turns out, people who learned about the benefits of planned sex did end up having more planned sex over the course of the next two weeks than those who didn’t. However, not only did they have more planned sex, they had more sex overall, meaning that planning sex actually seemed to promote more connection above and beyond the planned encounters. 

Couples who learned about the benefits of scheduling sex also reported that they were more intentional about planning sex, and many participants (over one-third) changed their opinions towards planned sex for the better. Nearly 40% of participants reported that planning sex benefited their romantic relationship and sex life, with many explaining that planning sex helped them increase their anticipation of sex and desire toward one another, while also allowing them to coordinate sex around their larger family schedule. 

Although planning sex was largely beneficial for participants in this study, it’s important to note that some individuals felt like planning sex was unpleasant, bringing on feelings of pressure and even dread. Additionally, as one participant remarked, even though “when the planned sex happened as discussed it was amazing and highly satisfying” they “felt a lot of disappointment” when plans to have sex didn’t work out. [1, p. 9] 

Seeing If Planned Sex Works For You

Overall, this study shows that planning sex can be beneficial, especially for people who find that relying on spontaneous sex isn’t working for them. The authors note that spontaneous sex seems to favor men’s proclivities towards sexual desire. On average, men tend to “turn on” more quickly than women do, which means planning sex might help resolve these differences in sexual desire if that tends to be an issue in your relationship. [1]

When planning sex, the most important thing to remember is that it’s not “inferior” to spontaneous sex. Rather, think of planned sex as a strategic way to prioritize your intimate lives. Just take care in how you schedule it. For example, this might mean scheduling it for a larger window of time (e.g., this Saturday) as opposed to a very specific date and time (e.g., this Friday at 10 PM) so that it doesn’t feel like pressure and to account for the fact that life happens and we sometimes need to shift our plans. 

If you have a sex question of your own, record a voicemail at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology to have it answered on the blog or the podcast. 

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References

[1] Kovacevic, K., Smith, O., Fitzpatrick, D., Rosen, N. O., Huber, J., & Muise, A. (2025). Can shifting beliefs about planned sex lead to engaging in more frequent sex and higher desire and satisfaction? An experimental study of parents with young children. The Journal of Sex Research. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2025.2585377

[2] Kovacevic, K., Tu, E., Rosen, N. O., Raposo, S., & Muise, A. (2024). Is spontaneous sex ideal? Beliefs and perceptions of spontaneous and planned sex and sexual satisfaction in romantic relationships. The Journal of Sex Research, 61(2), 246–260. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2022.2163611