When Your Sex Drives Get Out Of Sync: Dealing With A Sexual Desire Discrepancy

Over the years, I’ve received countless emails from readers saying things along the lines of, “He says I don’t want it enough. I think he wants it too much. What do we do?” Sometimes it’s women who want less sex than their male partners, sometimes it’s men who want less sex than their female partners, and sometimes it’s same-sex couples who aren’t on the same page about how much sex (or what kind of sex) they’d like to have.

Cases like this—where couples have persistent problems when it comes to matching up their sexual wants and needs—are known as sexual desire discrepancies. They’re incredibly common, too. In fact, the NATSAL, a national survey of British adults, found that 27.4% of women and 23.4% of men reported having a sexual desire discrepancy in the past year.

These situations often lead to a lot of relationship turmoil and, sometimes, they even spell the end of the relationship. But they don’t necessarily have to. As it turns out, there are a lot of things couples can try in order to resolve these discrepancies in a mutually satisfying way.

This is the subject of my latest column over at Playboy. In this piece, I discuss not only where sexual desire discrepancies come from, but also how they’re treated. For insight into treatment, I spoke with Dr. Lori Brotto, a psychologist whose research and practice focuses on issues of sexual desire. Brotto offers a lot of valuable information on how counselors and therapists approach discrepant sexual desires in productive and healthy ways. She offers a lot of fantastic practical advice, too, so it’s definitely worth a read.

Check out the full article here to learn more.

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