The Role Of Dungeon Monitors in BDSM Safety

BDSM practitioners place a huge emphasis on consent and safety during their practices, and for good reason. Certain kink behaviors can pose great risk to someone’s health and well-being if not done correctly and/or if everyone isn’t on the same page about how they want things to play out. 

This doesn’t mean people should be discouraged from exploring their kinky side; rather, it just means that there is a lot of learning and awareness necessary when it comes to practicing BDSM safely. Plus, many BDSM activities involve specialized equipment or furniture that can be difficult (and expensive!) to maintain at home. 

This is where sex dungeons come into play. For new and experienced BDSM practitioners alike, dungeons, also referred to as playspaces, are semi-public BDSM venues for people to engage in kink and other erotic practices. These dungeons provide opportunities for individuals to become integrated within a larger BDSM community, while also housing equipment needed to engage in certain behaviors. 

Because dungeons and playspaces help to facilitate kink and erotic practice, they must also ensure that the people who frequent them feel safe in doing so. This is easier said than done, though. It requires a specialized understanding about the nature of BDSM practices, as well as knowing when to step in or intervene. 

Enter the dungeon monitor (DM). DMs are specially-trained bystanders within these playspaces who serve to enforce the rules of the dungeon, take action in the event of unsafe behavior, and answer questions as necessary. So what is it actually like to be a DM? In this post, we’re diving into a newly-published study in the journal Psychology and Sexuality that explores why DMs volunteer for this role in the first place, as well as how they perceive their role within playspaces. [1]

“Kinky Volunteers” 

In this study, 22 dungeon monitors were interviewed, and they had a wide range of BDSM experiences. Ten of these “kinky volunteers” had been involved in the BDSM scene for over 11 years, and they ranged in age from 23 to 77. The DMs also varied in terms of gender, sexuality, and BDSM orientation. 

Why Volunteer as a Dungeon Monitor? 

For many participants, volunteering as a DM was a way to give back to the BDSM community that had given them the chance to freely explore their own sexual desires. This is not unlike other volunteer experiences. After all, many people who decide to volunteer in general articulate that experience as a chance to “give back” in some way. 

Other participants in this study felt that volunteering as a DM helped to fill a need in the playspaces they frequented, such as ensuring that other participants had safe experiences, while also ensuring that their desires were respected. For example, one participant mentioned having previously noticed when “a well-meaning onlooker intervened in an intense, consensual scene, creating a physically dangerous and emotionally volatile situation” (p. 9). This situation could have potentially been avoided had there been a designated bystander (i.e., a DM) who was able to monitor the scene, having known that it was consensual and boundaries had been agreed-upon, despite it looking potentially violent to an outsider. 

What is the Role of Dungeon Monitors? 

On paper, the role of a dungeon monitor is to intervene in unsafe, dangerous, or non-consensual situations within playspaces, ensuring that all participants are abiding by the rules of the establishment. However, accomplishing this is much more nuanced than it may appear at first glance. 

For one thing, DMs felt as though a major part of their role was to facilitate the experiences of others in the playspace. This means being a welcoming presence to dungeon-goers, including those who may be visiting for the first time. This might involved directing individuals to the proper equipment, as well as ensuring consent discussions are ongoing and proactive. 

However, this role becomes complicated when individuals are engaging in behaviors that might be perceived as more violent or extreme by others. As the author describes, “DMs remained firm in their mission to hold space for all types of consensual play, even if play was loud, intense, or difficult to watch” (p. 11). They seek to preserve dungeons as spaces for kinky exploration without that play being sanitized, as long as safety and consent are maintained. 

Another role of DMs within playspaces is to maintain the physical, mental, and emotional safety of players. DMs described knowing when to intervene as being of the utmost importance in this role. Intervening at the wrong time risks ending a scene that is perfectly consensual and potentially interrupts someone’s headspace, interfering with something that may not only have been pleasurable but also healing for them. As one DM described, “it’s a tough balance” between letting someone stay in their headspace “or letting someone get hurt” (p. 12). 

DMs did note that serving as a volunteer also gave them opportunities for their own self-improvement and to become stewards within their own community. Surprisingly, one DM described the work as largely “boring” (as much of their job involved asking people to put their phones away). However, many of the DMs expressed a desire for further training so that they could better do their work. 

Overall, DMs play a vital role within playspaces. The jobs they perform may be voluntary, but they require specialized expertise, attention, and judgement so that it can be done correctly and consistently, while also maintaining an atmosphere that is respectful of patrons’ desires and agreed-upon boundaries. 

To read the full study discussed in this blog, click here. 

If you have a sex question of your own, record a voicemail at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology to have it answered on the blog or the podcast. 

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), Bluesky, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Graphic made with Canva.

References 

[1] Haymond, A. L. (2025). Kinky volunteers: Unpacking dungeon monitor motivations, roles, and social dynamics in semi-public BDSM venues in the United States. Psychology & Sexuality, Advance online publication.  https://doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2025.2610302