Episode 455: The New Rules Of Cheating
December 5, 2025 by Justin Lehmiller
People’s definitions of cheating are evolving. Infidelity isn’t just about physical betrayal anymore. It’s emotional, it’s digital, and sometimes it doesn’t even involve another human at all. In today’s show, we’re diving into the new rules of cheating. We’re also going to talk about how modern technology is making it harder than ever to keep infidelity a secret.
I am joined once again by Dr. Amanda Gesselman a research scientist and head of the VIBES research team at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Digital intimacy is a major focus of her research, including how people use tools like camsites, AI companions, dating apps, and social media to navigate connection and desire.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
- What do people today think “counts” as cheating?
- Is watching porn a form of infidelity? What about sexting with an AI chatbot?
- How many people suspect a partner has cheated on them before?
- What kind of detective work do people do to determine if a partner has cheated?
- How do we balance the benefits and challenges of digital intimacy?
To learn more, you can read a brief report of this study here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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