Episode 552: What People Get Wrong About Dominance and Submission

BDSM has become increasingly visible in popular culture, but how much do people really understand about dominance and submission? Being dominant doesn’t necessarily mean being aggressive or controlling, just as being submissive doesn’t mean being weak or powerless. In fact, healthy power exchange often looks very different from what we see in the media. In this episode, we’re separating fact from fiction and exploring the real psychology of kink.

My guest is Shelby Devlin, a sex and intimacy coach, educator, and author specializing in BDSM, kink, and fetish. With over twenty years of experience in the BDSM community, she blends academic expertise with hands-on practice as a coach and instructor at the Somatica Institute. She is author of the new book The Pleasure Protocol: A Contemporary Guide to BDSM.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What does popular culture get wrong about kink?
• What separates a skilled dominant from someone who simply wants control?
• Why might highly independent people find sexual submission appealing?
• How can kink provide a space for exploring gender identity and roles?
• What are the warning signs that someone is using BDSM as a cover for abuse?

You can check out Shelby’s website to learn more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest (credit: Alyssa Keys).