Episode 99: Who Should Pay On The First Date?

June 7, 2022 by Justin Lehmiller

Sex and Psychology Podcast
Sex and Psychology Podcast
Episode 99: Who Should Pay On The First Date?

When you go out on a date with someone, who should pay for it? When two people of the same sex or gender go out, they’ll often split the bill—but when it’s a man and a woman, more often than not, the man pays. So there’s still a lot of chivalry present in dating between men and women, despite the fact that we have increasingly moved away from traditional gender roles and norms in many ways. So what’s up with that? How do men and women really feel about this issue? And how can be better navigate financial issues and dating?

For today’s episode, Dr. David Frederick returns. David was a previous guest on Episode 97 (Keeping Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships). He is an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California, and has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. In this show, we explore some of David’s research on money and dating in the context of men and women going out together. Some of the questions we get into include:

  • When men and women go out on a date, who usually pays? And how do things change the longer they date each other?
  • How often do women offer to pay when they go out with a man? How do they feel if their date refuses the offer?
  • How do men feel about women paying for dates?
  • Do people feel that paying for dates and sexual activity are linked in any way?
  • Where does this expectation that men should pay on the first date come from? Is it cultural? Evolutionary?
  • Is there a better way to navigate this fraught issue?

To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research.

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.


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Written by
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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