Episode 493: Straight Men Who Have Sex With Other Men
April 17, 2026 by Justin Lehmiller
We tend to think about sexual orientation as a fixed identity that’s clear, stable, and easy to define. However, sexuality doesn’t fit into neat and tidy boxes like that. In this episode, we’re diving into the world of heterosexual man who want to have sex with other men, and what this tells us about the complexity of human sexuality.
I am joined once again by Kathy Kay, host of the Strictly Anonymous Podcast and author of the new book Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, a collection of real, unfiltered stories from people revealing their most private sexual thoughts and experiences.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How common is it for heterosexual guys to have same-sex fantasies?
- Are these fantasies and desires purely physical, or is there an emotional component as well?
- Are these men just secretly gay?
- Why is male same-sex behavior more stigmatized than female same-sex behavior?
- Are women sometimes turned on by watching their husbands or boyfriends with other men?
To learn more, check out the Strictly Anonymous website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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