Episode 490: Why People Say Yes To Sex They Don’t Want
April 7, 2026 by Justin Lehmiller
Wanting sex and consenting to sex aren’t the same thing. Sometimes we agree to sex we don’t want, and other times we turn down opportunities for sex we do want. Today, we’re going to explore the distinction between wantedness and consent, including common reasons people agree to sex that they don’t actually desire.
My guest is Dr. Kirsten Greer, a postdoctoral research fellow at the Kinsey Institute with the disability and sexual health initiative. Her research focuses on sexual consent, sexual violence, and sexuality and disability.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
- What is the difference between wanting sex and consenting to sex?
- Why do people sometimes turn down sex they genuinely desire?
- What happens when there’s a mismatch between wantedness and consent? How do people feel about that?
- What does healthy sexual agency look like in practice?
You can learn more about Kirsten’s work and check out her publications here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest (Adam Zmith headshot by Jade Smith).
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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