Episode 483: Making Relationship Agreements That Work
March 13, 2026 by Justin Lehmiller
When people open a relationship, they often start by asking: what are the rules? But the real key to healthy non-monogamy isn’t rules. It’s clarity about needs, desires, and expectations. In this episode, we’re talking about how to design relationship agreements that actually work.
I am joined once again by Dr. Nicole Thompson, a sex and relationship psychotherapist and host of the popular podcast, Modern Anarchy. She is the author of The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide: Crafting Secure Non-Monogamous Relationships. She is also the founder of The Pleasure Practice, where she supports individuals in crafting pleasurable sex lives and expansive non-monogamous relationships.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
- What’s the difference between our needs and our desires?
- How can partners discuss and negotiate different desires in healthy ways?
- What kinds of things should go into a relationship agreement?
- How do you cultivate feelings of security in a non-monogamous relationship?
To learn more, check out the Modern Anarchy website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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