Episode 474: The New Rules Of Intimacy
February 10, 2026 by Justin Lehmiller
Most people think of sexual consent as a simple yes-or-no question. But it’s rarely that clear-cut. In this episode, we unpack why consent is about more than permission, how power and context shape sexual choices, and what it means to build experiences that feel mutual, ethical, and genuinely good for everyone involved.
My guest is Dr. Nicole McNichols an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington. Nicole’s course, “The Diversity of Human Sexuality,” is the largest and most popular course in the university’s history with four thousand enrolled students each year. Nicole is author of the new book You Could Be Having Better Sex.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What are we getting wrong about sexual consent, and what’s missing from the way we typically define it?
- What does “intentional awareness” actually look like in a sexual encounter?
- Why does honesty about your motivations matter just as much as a verbal yes?
- Should pleasure be considered a core part of consent? If so, why?
- How can we practice consent not just as a rule to follow, but as a relational and erotic skill that makes sex better?
You can check out Nicole’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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