Episode 449: The Real Cost of Abstinence Pledges
November 14, 2025 by Justin Lehmiller
Think back to your sex education for a moment. Were you advised to “save yourself for marriage?” Were you asked to sign a “purity” pledge? For millions of people, that was their experience. In this episode, we’re taking a closer look at abstinence pledges, including how they became so widespread, whether they actually work as intended, and the unseen consequences they leave behind.
I am joined once again by Lauren Elise Rogers, a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach. Lauren brings an empathetic and non-judgmental approach, offering practical tools that empower her clients to take ownership of their pleasure and grow in confidence and connection.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
- What does a typical abstinence pledge look like?
- How common are abstinence pledges today?
- Do abstinence pledges actually delay sexual activity?
- How might abstinence pledges make people less prepared for sex and relationships?
- What happens when people “break” their pledge?
You can visit Lauren’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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