Episode 439: Fantasy Confessions – Why Even Happy Couples Keep Secrets
October 10, 2025 by Justin Lehmiller
Even in the happiest relationships, people don’t always share their fantasies and desires. And sometimes that’s because people are worried about rocking the boat. For example, what if you share a fantasy your partner isn’t into and it reveals an incompatibility? In this episode, we’re going to explore the factors that predict people’s willingness to open up about their fantasies, and why we sometimes decide to keep them to ourselves.
I am joined once again by Matthew Kimberley, a lecturer in Psychology at Birmingham City University. He researches sexual fantasies and also leads the Gender, Sexuality and Intimate Relationships Research Lab.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What are the most common sexual fantasies people have?
- Which fantasies are people most likely to tell their partners about, and why?
- How is being in a relationship characterized by high levels of sexual novelty linked to sharing fantasies?
- How is the length of a relationship related to whether people share their fantasies?
You can check out the Gender, Sexuality and Intimate Relationships Research Lab’s website to learn more about Matthew’s work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and PsychologyDr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.
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