Episode 258: Creating a Sexual Connection that Lasts

January 16, 2024 by Justin Lehmiller

Sex and Psychology Podcast
Sex and Psychology Podcast
Episode 258: Creating a Sexual Connection that Lasts

When a relationship is new, the sex usually comes pretty easy. However, as the years go by, partners often find that their sexual connection declines. This doesn’t have to happen, though. There are science-backed ways of creating and maintaining a sexual connection that lasts. In this episode, we’re going to explore the three characteristics of relationships that sustain intimacy, how to cultivate lust in long-term relationships, and much more.

I am joined by award-winning author Emily Nagoski. She wrote the New York Times bestselling books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. Her latest book is titled Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

  • What do people actually want from sex, and why is that important to think about?
  • Why is sexual novelty alone not quite enough to cultivate a strong connection?
  • How is pleasure different from desire?
  • How can creating an “emotional floorplan” make it easier for people to get into a lustful headspace?

Make sure to check out Emily’s website to find out more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology


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The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.


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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.


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Written by
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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