Episode 232: What To Do When Your Partner Is Kinkier Than You

October 13, 2023 by Justin Lehmiller

Sex and Psychology Podcast
Sex and Psychology Podcast
Episode 232: What To Do When Your Partner Is Kinkier Than You
Loading
/

I’ve received countless emails from people who have discovered that their partner has a kink they didn’t previously know about—and, now, they’re not sure what to do because they’re not into it. So what do you do when you’re a vanilla person and it turns out that your partner has a kinky streak? The fact that you both want different things from sex doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, so let’s talk about how to make it work.

I am joined once again by Stefani Goerlich, award-winning author of The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients. Stefani is also a Certified Sex Therapist and organizer of the upcoming Securing Sexuality conference. Her latest book is titled With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect.

Some of the topics we explore include:

  • For people who are worried that they’re “too vanilla,” what do they need to know?
  • How can people better navigate the strong feelings they might have when discovering a partner’s kink?
  • When partners have different fantasies and desires, how do you find common ground?
  • How can opening up a relationship help partners bridge a sexual desire discrepancy?
  • Is it always possible to make things work when partners want very different things from sex?

To learn more, check out Sefani’s website.

Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with BeducatedFeaturing more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2341-lehmiller

Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on FacebookTwitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on AppleSpotifyGoogle, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

...

Post Featured Image
Written by
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

Read full bio >