Episode 134: How To Set Sexual Boundaries

October 7, 2022 by Justin Lehmiller

Sex and Psychology Podcast
Sex and Psychology Podcast
Episode 134: How To Set Sexual Boundaries

Every relationship we have could benefit from defining some boundaries, whether we’re talking about relationships with our employers, friends, or sexual partners. However, most of us aren’t very good at establishing them because setting boundaries feels like saying “no,” and no can be a really difficult word to say for a lot of reasons. So let’s talk about boundaries. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss everything you need to know, including when to discuss them, how to communicate boundaries effectively, as well as how to move on when boundary violations occur.

I am joined by Dr. Alison Ash, a trauma-informed intimacy coach and educator, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. Some of the topics we discuss include:

  • Why setting boundaries is so hard.
  • How to figure out your own boundaries, because sometimes we don’t know what they are yet.
  • The fluidity of boundaries over time.
  • When and how to reveal your boundaries in a relationship.
  • Tips for starting a productive conversation about boundaries.
  • How to listen better when a partner expresses their boundaries.
  • How to recover and repair a relationship when boundaries get crossed.

To learn more about Dr. Aly, visit TurnON.love and follow @TurnON.love on Instagram. For information on Dr. Aly’s upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Mastercourse starting in January 2023, visit TurnON.love/intimacy

Thanks to the Scarlet Society (scarletsociety.com) and Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) for sponsoring this episode!

The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality.

Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY


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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.


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Written by
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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