Potpourri, Sex Ed

Happy New Year! Here Are 9 Resolutions For Better Sex In 2019

December 31, 2018 by Justin Lehmiller

Every time a new year comes around, people start making resolutions for self-improvement. For example, some of us resolve to lose weight or to get in shape, others vow to quit smoking, and yet others plan to get their finances in order. As you ponder your own personal resolutions for 2019, here’s one more that you might wish to adopt: resolve to have better sex this year.

So how might you go about achieving this resolution? Scientific research offers a lot of insight. Here are nine scientifically-backed suggestions for enhancing your sex life in 2019.

1. Be more vocal during sex. Research reveals that the people who make the most noise in bed tend to be the most sexually satisfied. Why is that? For one thing, moaning and groaning help convey what you like and what feels good–and by communicating this information to your partner, it increases the odds that you’ll get what you want. For another, these noises signal appreciation for a partner’s efforts. Plus, they have the potential to enhance your partner’s sexual arousal.

2. Experiment with sex toys. A lot of women and men say they have previously used vibrators during sex. More importantly, those who use these toys not only tend to report greater sexual satisfaction, but they also report better sexual functioning. This is probably due, in part, to the fact that vibrators and other sex toys are an easy way of interjecting novelty and excitement into sex.

3. Do your Kegels. A lot of people think that Kegel exercises are a female thing, likely because they were originally developed for women; however, it turns out that the benefits of Kegels aren’t restricted to persons of one gender. Studies have found that Kegel exercises offer a wide range of sexual benefits to women and men alike. Research suggests that Kegels also have the potential to both treat and prevent numerous sexual difficulties.

4. Remind yourself that “sex” isn’t just one thing. Research reveals that the more activities people engaged in the last time they had sex, the more likely they were to have an orgasm. This finding held for both women and men. Perhaps you’ve heard the old saying that “variety is the spice of life?” Well, these results suggest that variety just might be the spice of your sex life, too.

5. Watch how much you drink. Lots of people consume alcohol as an aphrodisiac. This isn’t surprising given that, when consumed in small quantities, alcohol can very well stimulate sexual desire. However, too much booze is a recipe for sexual problems. Being drunk can create a range of temporary sexual difficulties, such as making it harder to become–and stay–aroused and to reach orgasm. Excessive alcohol consumption can also impair sexual communication.

6. Instead of going right to sleep after sex, try spooning or cuddling. Research has found that, regardless of gender, the more time people spend on after-sex affection, the happier they are with both their sex lives and relationships. What this tells us is that it’s not just what you do during sex that matters; what you do afterwards is clearly very important, too.

7. Focus on quality, not quantity of sex. Most people think they’d be happier if they were having sex more often, but research suggests that this might not be the case. In a study in which people tried to double the amount of sex they were having, it turned out that couples who forced themselves to do it more often were less happy in the end. It’s not good when sex starts to feel like a chore, so don’t get too hung up on sexual frequency. Instead, focus more on making sure that the sex you’re having is good, which is something you can accomplish by adopting the other suggestions on this list.

8. Touch each other more often. Non-sexual, intimate touch is one of the keys to a happy and healthy relationship. Masters and Johnson discovered this long ago in their pioneering sex therapy work in the 1960s. In fact, they found that intimate touch can actually help resolve a wide range of sexual difficulties because it promotes relaxation, increases feelings of bondedness, and enhances communication. Learn more about the power of touch and ways that you can incorporate it into your relationship more often here.

9. Talk about your sexual fantasies—and maybe even turn some of them into reality, too (assuming they’re safe, sane, and consensual, of course). Research has found that couples who talk about and act on their sex fantasies are more sexually satisfied. Likewise, research also reveals that women who share and act on their fantasies have more orgasms, which suggests that getting in touch with our fantasies just might help us to close the orgasm gap! Don’t know where to start when it comes to sharing and acting on your fantasies? Check out my book Tell Me What You Want, which offers practical advice and information on communicating about your fantasies, while also describing the science behind where our fantasies come from and what they mean.

Here’s to a happy and sexy new year!

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/Marek Uliasz

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Written by
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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