A Sex Therapist On Why You Shouldn’t Get Hung Up On Finding “The One” (Video)

December 15, 2017 by Justin Lehmiller

“The idea of finding ‘the one’ is problematic for relationships.” – Esther Perel

When it comes to relationships, a lot of people are under the impression that there’s just one “right” person out there for them—a so-called “soul mate” or perfect partner. In other words, many of us want someone who can be everything all at the same time: your best friend, a passionate lover, and the person who can meet all of your needs now and forever.

While believing in “the one” is a very popular way to think about relationships, sex therapists don’t think it’s a very healthy one. As therapist Esther Perel explains in the video below, this mindset is one that sets us up for a lifetime of frustration and disillusionment because the reality is that there probably isn’t one special person out there who can give us everything we’re looking for. Perel suggests that we’ll probably be happier in the end if we take a more pragmatic and less romanticized approach to dating and relationships. Check out the full video for more.

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Written by
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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