Episode 522: What People’s Sex Diaries Reveal About Modern Intimacy

July 28, 2026 by Justin Lehmiller

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Most of us only get small glimpses into other people’s sex lives, which can make our own experiences feel more unusual than they really are. But what happens when you spend years hearing the unfiltered truth about people’s desires, insecurities, relationships, and intimate experiences? In this episode, we explore what those stories reveal about modern sex and relationships.

My guest is Alyssa Shelasky. Her popular New York Magazine column, Sex Diaries, is widely considered a cultural phenomenon and was developed into an HBO docuseries with Shelasky producing and starring. She is the author of Apron Anxiety, This Might Be Too Personal, and the new book Sex Diaries: Real Life Stories of Non-Monogamy and Polyamory.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

  • Why are people sometimes more comfortable sharing their deepest sexual secrets with a stranger than with a partner?
  • What do people’s sex stories reveal about the roles sex plays beyond physical pleasure?
  • How have people’s desires, relationships, and intimate lives changed over the years?
  • What has collecting countless intimate stories taught Alyssa about modern intimacy?

Check out Alyssa’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors! 

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The Kinsey Institute is where the world turns to understand sex and relationships. You can help continue its expert-led research by donating to the Kinsey Institute Research Fund. Learn more and make a donation here: https://give.myiu.org/centers-institutes/I380010749.html 

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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Written by
Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Founder & Owner of Sex and Psychology

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He runs the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast and is author of the popular book Tell Me What You Want. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, and a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works.

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